IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many students have trouble being able to focus on school studies, with their attention span increasingly deteriorating. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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There is no denying the fact that focusing on studying can be difficult for some
students
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.
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While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is a commonly held belief that some of them cannot stay focused during their classes and that their attention spans are increasingly deteriorating.
This
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 essay will discuss the leading factors and include some measures that could address
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with,
students
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' attention during classes is essential because it plays a crucial role in their academic level
as well as
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 their entire career path.
However
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,
due to
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 social media's adverse impact and video games, the function of
students
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' brains has plummeted, as can be seen by the notable decrease in
students
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' grades recently. It is
also
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 possible to say that bad sleeping habits,
such
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 as sleeping less than six hours, could be the main reason affecting their attention. In terms of the suggested measures, guidance and control by parents are substantial in protecting their children's minds.
For instance
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, specialized people advise that children and teenagers must sleep more than seven hours each night, or their mental health abilities will be damaged.
In addition
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, setting designated hours to limit their playing or browsing time could be effective in increasing their focusing skills.
For example
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, setting an alarm for your kids to declare that YouTube time is over, and
this
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 should be implemented by their parents to ensure that they adhere to it. In conclusion, there are various factors that contribute to decreasing
students
Use synonyms
' focus, and it would be beneficial to consider addressing
this
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 problem with their parents in order to avoid aggravating the situation.

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task achievement
Expand on the discussion around why bad sleeping habits affect attention to make the argument more comprehensive.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples of how social media and video games impact attention spans to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitional phrases to connect ideas even more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively presents a clear structure with a logical flow, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and concluding remarks.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both reasons for deteriorating attention spans and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The argument is well organized and each point is developed logically with a supportive explanation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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