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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are stressed today than ever before. What are the causes of this stress? Can you suggest some possible solutions?

Nowadays it becomes natural that a person must do better for their family, their kids, or their companies.
This
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 essay will identify the sources of
increase
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increased
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 stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 and show what can be done to release the tension. There are mainly
two
Use synonyms
 factors that cause an individual depression.
First,
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society
tend
Change the verb form
tends
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 to demand more and more from other people without analysing their partner’s mental status.
Moreover
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, if we look closer, the exaggerated push is coming from our nearest human being. It can be our close friends, even our family.
For example
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, imagine if the negative emotions are from our spouse or our employee,
someones
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someone
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who
Change the pronoun
whom
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 we meet almost every day.
Second,
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besides
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thefrom
Correct your spelling
the
 extrinsic aspect, the most dangerous source of
this
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 thought is from our own
mind
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. If we
cancould not
Correct your spelling
cannot
 control our perspective toward ourselves, we will only see the bad sides of our life.
Hence
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, we would force our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 to create something irrational and
absolutely
Rephrase
apply
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this
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 situation will
destruct
Verb problem
destroy
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 our
Use synonyms
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. These are
two
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 factors that could raise our stress level by
Correct article usage
a hundredfolds
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hundredfolds
Fix the agreement mistake
hundredfold
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.
On the other hand
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, if there are causes,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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the solutions would be always available. There are
two
Use synonyms
 biggest possible acts to relieve the pressure.
First,
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we can consult our problem
to
Change preposition
with
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 a professional. There is
psychiatrist
Add an article
a psychiatrist
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 or spiritual teacher whom we respect and trust to listen to our matters.
This
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 could help because indeed we need
a
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apply
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ventilation, a way to drive the cloud out of our
mind
Use synonyms
 so we would have a clearer vision
on
Change preposition
of
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 how to behave.
For instance
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, if we have a problem with our peers in
office
Correct article usage
the office
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, we have a manager who works longer than us that could
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 us a resolution even for a specific issue. Another solution is to do our hobbies. Many activities that would not drain our bank account
such
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 as
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 some sport. These
sort
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sorts
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activities
Change preposition
of activities
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 proved to be the one of most effective ways to alleviate our fatigue.
Therefore
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, doing some 6000 steps a day would give us additional energy.
However
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, These are the best
two
Use synonyms
 suggestions to let out the gloom in our
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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. In conclusion, stress is a result of demand from our society and from ourselves,
while
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 it can vanish with some sessions of nice conversation with trusted individual
also
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can build
Wrong verb form
builds
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 and strengthen our body and
mind
Use synonyms
 with physical activities.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically, with cohesive devices being used appropriately to link ideas. Avoid overuse or misuse of connectives which can harm the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Aim to present your main points with clear examples that effectively illustrate your argument. Examples should be specific, relevant, and should add weight to the points you're making.
task achievement
Ensure your essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the task, providing a full and relevant response. It should include a clear position throughout the response with a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas or provides a clear answer to the question.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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