IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some suggest that young people should take a job between school and the university. Discuss what advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In these modern days, the idea that teenagers should take a job after school is accepted by society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss a benefit of it,
such
Linking Words
 as having experience enough before university and a disadvantage of
this
Linking Words
 idea,
such
Linking Words
 as the situation when people think about is better not to continue with their studies.
Firstly
Linking Words
, taking a little work before the university is a great opportunity to learn what is the best route to tackle challenging situations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some teenagers have had to face tricky issues during their work,
however
Linking Words
, it has taught them a variety of useful tools which they can use in their future careers. Based on my experience, in my job as a customer assistant when I just finished school, I could learn many ways to handle stressful moments, it helped me to develop tools to manage my mental health, which I could use in my studies.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in some cases having a resource of money is more appealing than studying.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an income leads to the opportunity to have a stable economy, which for many individuals is crucial for their lifestyles,
due to
Linking Words
 it helps to make a living.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Colombia, many early adults argue that remaining in a call centre gives more money as an entrance, but with the study they have to make ends meet.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 a little profession provides young people
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 advantage in their life,
such
Linking Words
 as an enhancement in their abilities to tackle stressful moments, it
also
Linking Words
 leads to a significant drawback, to illustrate, showing more importance in incomes than having knowledge about a particular field of science.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The introduction could be clearer by stating both advantages and disadvantages before outlining the essay's structure.
task response
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is fully explained and supported with detailed examples.
task response
Consider refining your conclusion to more explicitly summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas, enhancing coherence throughout the essay.
task response
You effectively identify both a key advantage and disadvantage of young people working before entering university, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task response
Your personal example of working as a customer assistant adds credibility to your point about gaining practical experience.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employability
  • financial independence
  • practical skills
  • time management
  • interpersonal skills
  • productivity
  • work experience
  • organizational skills
  • diverse groups
  • student debt
What to do next:
Look at other essays: