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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development
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It is a common belief that many countries have more elderly populations than young ones.
While
 I agree that a higher percentage of elderly is a good development, I still believe that the increase in older
people
 has many risks. It is understandable why some
people
 subscribe to the view that there are several benefits of an ageing
population
. One possible advantage is that the old who experienced challenges have enough empathy to guide the young to work and study.
In other words
, the young can learn from the old's experiences and avoid making the same mistakes.
As a result
, the young work effectively to contribute to the economy. Another beneficial effect could be that the economy is developed. With a growing ageing
population
, there is increased demand for products and services tailored to the needs of older individuals.
This
 can create new economic opportunities, leading to job growth and innovation in sectors
such
 as healthcare, senior care, and leisure activities for seniors. Despite the aforementioned benefits, I would argue that the growing older
population
 is an adverse
population
 trend . The issue could be that many elderly
people
 who usually get sick make pressure on the health service system. That makes the quality of health services worse. Because of that, many
people
 going to the hospital cannot receive medical examinations and treatment. Another drawback worth mentioning is that the proportion of elderly
people
 increases the effect on the economy. The growing ageing
population
 results in the proportion of
people
 of working age decreasing.
This
 leads to a shortage of workers affecting productivity and economic growth. In conclusion,
while
 I agree that an increase in the number of old
people
 provides society with many advantages, I am of the opinion that the lower of young
people
 increases the risk of economic
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task achievement
Strengthening your argument in the conclusion can help to reinforce your position. Ensure consistency in supporting points throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow by connecting your ideas more coherently. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and details to support your main points. This can help to illustrate your arguments more clearly and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and structure to improve readability. You can break down longer sentences into shorter ones and make sure each one clearly conveys a single idea.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the topic and maintained a balanced discussion, addressing both positive and negative aspects of an aging population.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logical and relevant, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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