IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

#people #job #love #factors
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Happiness is an indispensable part of our life. Each inhabitant has different joys. Some people say that to be happy, you must have a
job
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 you
love
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 doing. Others think that other factors are more crucial. In my opinion, I suppose that having a passionate career will bring more content. On the one hand, of course, it can be found that working a
job
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 with passion and
love
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 can build strong and positive relationships. Being motivated and fanatical about your
work
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 will attract individuals who have the same enthusiasm. If residents are the manager,
this
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 will generate a strong team and help to achieve the main common goal. If they are staff, it will allow them to shine and advance faster at
work
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.
Besides
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, burning and putting lots of effort at
work
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 means that
work
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 efficiency can be improved so inhabitants' income will be solved. They will have more time with their family and take care of their health without worrying about financial issues.
On the other hand
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, doing a
job
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 you
love
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 will make you feel more satisfied and cheerful. When you
work
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 for money, you will have to face more pressure and stress. The aim is earning will make you feel depressed and lifeless.
For example
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, my cousin works a
job
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 he doesn’t like. Every day he has to deal with the problem of income which leads to him having negative mental well-being and eating less. Meals and sleep are now too luxurious for him. In conclusion, cheerfulness comes from what you
love
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 and want to do and the most important thing is that happiness only appears when you find yourself happy.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay seems to have a structure that attempts to build coherence, but there are occasional lapses in logic. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the sentences within the paragraph are linked effectively to support that idea. Moreover, try to smooth transitions between paragraphs for a more cohesive effect.
task achievement
Your essay covers the task and includes some relevant ideas, but there should be a more detailed examination of the question. Aim to balance the argument by addressing both viewpoints in the task. Support each point with specific examples for a stronger task response. Additionally, ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay, from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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