IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In some nations
almost
Correct your spelling
across
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 the world, rural
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are moving to metropolitan
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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,
thus
Linking Words
 the population in the oversite is declining. All in all,
this
Linking Words
 essay will prove the pros and cons information about
impact
Use synonyms
 of the Individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 moving to urban
place
Change the noun form
places
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,
such
Linking Words
 as increasing income and improving experience,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
while
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, growing up
pollution
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with pollution
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. Moving for more details, there are several
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 impacts for individuals who take moving to big
cities
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society moving to big urban for
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 knowledge and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 profit.
Moreover
Linking Words
, those are making to independent on financial for the worker. And
then
Linking Words
, the number of born number who live in big
cities
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 using public transportation.
However
Linking Words
, the persons will go up
incoming
Correct your spelling
in coming
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 in
sector
Add an article
the sector
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 of economic.
The
Correct article usage
Lastly
show examples
lastly
Linking Words
, the growth of people who searching
job
Change preposition
for job
show examples
 go up when
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 fair.
On
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, the Kompas News Found that the person who moved to Jakarta from Lampung increased significantly from 20% in 2012 to 70% in 2022.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are various pros for society,
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the cons
impact
Use synonyms
 of humans
move
Wrong verb form
moving
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 to metropolitan areas.
First,
Linking Words
the
impact
Use synonyms
 of
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
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public
Change preposition
in public
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 transportation go up sharply
Change preposition
in pollutant
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pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
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 in big
cities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
Use synonyms
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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 for
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 global
warning
Correct your spelling
warming
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.
Next,
Linking Words
the total of people who
staying
Change the form of the verb
stay
show examples
 in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 decrease, so it will
be impacting for
Wrong verb form
impact
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 poor public
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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 and
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 care.
For example
Linking Words
, in Surabaya have been increasing steadily car since 2022, so
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
air pollution
rise
Wrong verb form
has risen
show examples
 significantly during the period. And
then
Linking Words
, there are several impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
 in big
cities
Use synonyms
. In sum, the individuals who
moving
Change the form of the verb
move
show examples
 to big
cities
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been
impacting
Replace the word
impact
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 humans, which will be having
impact
Use synonyms
 negative and positive.
However
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of people moving there will be
predicting
Wrong verb form
predicted
show examples
 for some
stakeholder
Fix the agreement mistake
stakeholders
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such
Linking Words
 as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, society and local
NGO
Fix the agreement mistake
NGOs
show examples
 work together.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a logical structure which makes it challenging to follow your argument. Introduction and conclusion are present but they do not encapsulate the essence of your discussion effectively. It would be beneficial to have a more logical flow of ideas, with clear paragraphing that separates the introduction, body, and conclusion distinctly. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea supported by subsequent sentences that expand on that idea.
task achievement
You've attempted to respond to the prompt, but your response doesn't fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. Your ideas need to be expanded upon to form convincing arguments and this could be achieved by explaining key points more comprehensively. Further, work on providing more relevant examples to underpin your claims, and ensure that your essay remains focused on the task by consistently discussing the implications of rural to urban migration, whether positive or negative.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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