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Writing Samples
Band 5

To solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world, the best way is to increase the price of fuel. What is your opinion on the above assumption?

Since the inception of
Humankind
Add a comma
Humankind,
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 we have been cohabitating
together with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
Although
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 our living standards have improved ,
but
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apply
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the question remains, are we taking care
about
Change preposition
of
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 our environment as well ? No doubt,
this
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 question has remained a matter of controversy and debate. Many pundits believe that hiking petrol
fuel
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 and diesel
prices
Use synonyms
 is the optimal way to flourish our ecosystem.
Supercially
Correct your spelling
Superficially
, it makes sense because expensive
fuel
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 will decrease people's reliance on their vehicles.
This
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 will force them to resort to eco-friendly and inexpensive transport
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
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, and perhaps could even discourage financially capacitated individuals
to use
Change preposition
from using
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 vehicles when it is an absolute necessity. Take an average middle-class income group resident. He often
leaves on
Verb problem
lives
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 paycheck-to-paycheck and exorbitant
fuel
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 will leave him no choice but to keep a check on his monthly vehicle mileage. Interestingly enough, it could
also
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 drop the
prices
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 of
electrical
Replace the word
electric
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 cars as more demand will ensure more competition in the EV market;
this
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 is possible because those companies could offer incentives,
such
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 as discounts, free insurance and so on, to capture the new automobile market. As mentioned above, it could create more income divide between various income groups.
This
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 is not healthy for a nation that aims to maintain
balance
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a balance
the balance
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 between various economic sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Therefore
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, spreading awareness about
the
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apply
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contemporary
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 issues is
more
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the more
a more
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 appropriate choice. The government could use public infomercials to attain
this
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.
This
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 is a good measure because it could reach the masses using public forecast tools,
such
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 as radios and TV. Schools are another better place because the current young ones are the future nation builders. By gaining environmental education, they will be more considerate towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature when they grow up. Considering
the
Remove the article
apply
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both sides of
an
Correct article usage
the
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 argument, I believe that rising
fuel
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 could understandably decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fuel
Use synonyms
 combustion. But
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 knock-on effects on our people, specifically the underprivileged ones, cannot be overlooked.
To conclude
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, I do not believe that the expensive petrol and diesel costs
is
Change the verb form
are
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 a prudent choice and if these were to come into existence,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should be taken as
last
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 resort when nothing works out.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. In this case, the essay wavers between pros and cons without a clear standpoint which makes it hard to follow your conclusion. It is important to pick a stance and argue it consistently throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical connectors and paragraph transitions to create better cohesion between ideas. While you showed some structural organization, there was a lack of sophisticated cohesive devices that are expected at higher band scores.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to support your arguments. While you touched on electric vehicles and the impact on different social classes, these points would be stronger with concrete examples or figures.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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