Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

There are conflicting views regarding whether parents should influence their
children
to join
group
activities or keep themselves occupied without the help of others. I believe later will help them remain mentally stable. Parents who believe in encouraging their
children
to be involved in
group
activities may have assumed that their child will learn communication skills which could be one of the primary skills in personality development.
This
will assist them to not become socially awkward in front of large crowds or gatherings.
For example
, there are many dance classes organized for
children
, which will help them to not only learn dance but
also
make new friends.
However
, they shouldn't become too dependent on their friends to learn any new skill. It could happen that a child gets a habit of learning new things with a
group
only.
On the other hand
, others firmly think that their child should know how to keep themselves busy.
This
is because there could be a phase in their lives where they can be alone. If they don't know how to handle loneliness, they might eventually end up having a mental trauma.
Therefore
, I believe parents should teach their
children
to become emotionally stable when they are alone. If they become mentally disturbed by living alone,
this
might affect their health pretty badly. In conclusion,
although
joining
group
activities will help
children
to come out of social awkwardness, their primary goal must be to learn to live alone which will help them to survive in difficult situations.
Submitted by anmols23oct on

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Specific examples
Clarify key points with more specific examples to support your arguments.
Content balance
Review the balance of content between both views to ensure equal discussion before stating your opinion.
Conclusion clarity
Refine your conclusion to more directly state your opinion, summarizing both sides of the argument for clarity.
Clear opinion
You've provided a clear opinion, which is great for your task achievement score.
Logical structure
Your essay structure is logical, making your arguments easy to follow.
Introduction/Conclusion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, setting the stage and summarizing your stance effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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