Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?
Firstly
, in short
Correct article usage
a short
time
after finishing justice from prison, many people doesn’t
Change the verb form
don’t
repentance
their sin. Replace the word
repent
This
essay will describing
some problems that could Change the verb form
describe
be describing
effecting
Verb problem
affect
this
condition such
as the failure of justice
system in Add an article
the justice
jail
, the failure of predicting
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to predict
time
range in prison depending Correct article usage
the time
of
the Change preposition
on
crimes
and the probablity
Correct your spelling
probability
the
disadvantages that Change preposition
of the
society
would get.
Due to
repetition
the Add a comma
repetition,
wrong doing
of Correct your spelling
wrongdoing
crimes
made a gap from the vision of jail
that holding people on limit
place for some range of Change preposition
in limited
time
to make society
always in peace. For example
, some type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
the
Correct article usage
apply
wrong doing
must Correct your spelling
wrongdoing
to
kill the Change the verb form
apply
crimes
to escaping
the danger for Wrong verb form
escape
society
. The main idea of jail
is keeping the
Correct article usage
apply
society
in
peace. For that Change preposition
at
reason
, its
a waste thing if Replace the word
it's
it is
jail
doesn’t repentance crimes
.
The reason
why
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apply
of
the failure in Change preposition
for
jail
system must be Correct article usage
the jail
instivigated
. To cite the example, activity in Correct your spelling
instigated
jail
must be organize
to make Wrong verb form
organised
crimes
have repentance. They must really knowing
the effect of their Change the verb form
know
be knowing
wrong doing
and the Correct your spelling
wrongdoing
reason
of
their act. Self-awareness of Change preposition
for
crimes
must being
developed with proper for Change the verb form
be
crimes
. The other reason
might be the range of time
that developing system
is not enough. Correct article usage
the system
Therefore
, the justice must really understood
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be understood
understand
of
the Change preposition
apply
jail
curriculum that must crimes
to do
.
In conclusion, the Verb problem
apply
developing
of Replace the word
development
jail
curriculum for Correct article usage
a jail
crimes
must being
a study Wrong verb form
be
concerning
to reach the main goal of law : Verb problem
apply
makes
Wrong verb form
make
society
in peace.Submitted by assakrhn on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure, with appropriate paragraphs and clear logical sequence, which makes it difficult to follow the argument. Consider using a more standard essay format, with an introduction, body, and conclusion, where each paragraph discusses a specific point or idea.
coherence cohesion
Language use is quite disorganized and repetitive, which significantly hinders the logical flow of information. Aim to use a variety of sentence structures and cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat incomplete and unclear. The essay does not address the causes and effects on society in a clear and comprehensive manner. It is important to directly address all parts of the prompt, providing clear ideas and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
The use of specific examples to support your points is lacking. Including relevant and specific examples can help to support your main points and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure you directly address both questions posed in the prompt: the causes of criminals reoffending and the effects this has on society. Each should be addressed in its own paragraph with clear explanations and examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.