One of the consequences of impruved medical care is that people are living longer and life expenctancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this deveopment outweigh the disadvantages?
One of the major consequences
in
the improvement of medical services over time has been that mankind is able to increase its longevity. In Change preposition
of
this
essay, it is going to Linking Words
be discuss
the Change the verb form
discuss
pro
and cons of Fix the agreement mistake
pros
this
situation, and I am going to share my opinion.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it is well known that many countries have the problem that their population is Linking Words
aging
, and Change the spelling
ageing
this
situation can lead to some problems or disadvantages, Linking Words
such
as economic issuesLinking Words
,
because it is more complex to incorporate them into the Remove the comma
apply
labor
force. Change the spelling
labour
In addition
, it is very expensive to keep them healthy and active, which means a high economic cost for the government. Linking Words
For example
, the Canadian government is opening new visas for immigrants to reinforce its workforce, because its population is too old, and they do not have enough young people to do hard work.
Since the advent of technology, scientists have been developing improvements that allow us to live longer than in the past. Linking Words
As a result
, the individual can plan his or her life sometimes beyond 100 years. Linking Words
This
is a great achievement. Before, they could not plan their life because many common diseases would kill them, Linking Words
such
as Diabetes, Polio or Linking Words
a
Heart Attack, because there was no cure. Fortunately, in the present time and Correct article usage
apply
due to
Linking Words
the
technology we can live longer and enjoy our family and Correct article usage
apply
frinds
for so long.
In conclusion, in my opinion, despite the economic disadvantages of extending people's lives, I think it is always better to have our loved ones closer for longer, and Correct your spelling
friends
thus
to be able to treasure more moments together, so the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.Linking Words
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introduction conclusion present
While your essay introduces the topic and concludes with a clear opinion, both the introduction and conclusion are relatively weak, lacking a strong thesis statement and a comprehensive summary of main points. Ensure that your introduction sets the stage for your discussion, presenting your stance clearly, and use the conclusion to concisely recap your arguments and reinforce your viewpoint.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates some level of organization, but the overall logical structure could be improved. Aim to have a more discernible progression of ideas. Begin with an introductory paragraph that clearly states your opinion, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single main point with supporting details, and conclude with a paragraph that summarizes your arguments and restates your position emphatically.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are relevant, but at times they are not fully developed or well-supported by concrete examples. You should elaborate on your ideas further and provide more specific, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help the reader to understand and be persuaded by your viewpoint.
complete response
Your response addresses the task, however, it falls short of fully developing a complete argument for both sides of the issue. You need to explore both the advantages and disadvantages in more depth and provide a more balanced discussion before presenting your own view on the issue.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas in your essay are somewhat clear, but they are not always presented comprehensively. Focus on clarifying and expanding your points to fully explain your reasoning. Use additional examples and further explanation to ensure that the reader can follow your ideas from start to finish.
relevant specific examples
Your essay contains some general examples, but they lack specificity and depth. To make your arguments more convincing, include specific, detailed examples and explain how they support your viewpoint. This will also help to demonstrate a fuller understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.