IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently bought a toy from a company online. When the toy was delivered, you found some problems with it. Write a letter to the company manager. In your letter: -Describe the toy -Explain the problems with it -Tell the manager what you would like her/him to do

#toy #company #manager #-describe #-explain #-tell
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Dear Manager, I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you regarding a recent purchase of a toy car that I bought from your website. I want to bring one technical difficulty that my son found with the car to your attention the left tyre of the auto which is not moving anymore.
However
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, I tried changing the battery but it did not work at all.
Furthermore
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, I tried contacting your customer support agent but she didn't respond to any of my mail and phone calls.
Additionally
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, I tried looking for the same model in the market but I had no luck finding one. so, it is my humble request to you and your staff to issue me a refund of 100 dollars plus taxes or a replacement of the car with a new model. I will be very grateful to you. have a good day, yours truly, John.
Submitted by anmolpreet25012002 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a single clear idea to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Use proper capitalization for sentences, such as 'so' at the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized to 'So'.
task achievement
Make sure all relevant details about the toy's description are clear for context.
task achievement
Elaborate on the consequences of the issue to strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
The letter clearly states the purpose of writing and provides details about the issue with the toy.
task achievement
Request for resolution is clearly stated, which is effective for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a logical structure with greeting, body, and closing which enhances coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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