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Band 4

Some parents believe that cell phone are harmful to children,while other disagree.Discuss both side and give your opinion.

#parents #cell #phone #children #side
well in
this
 time and with the all
updeat
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update
 which is
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happening
happeind
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happening
happened
 in our era to give
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children
childern
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children
 the
abelity
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ability
 to have
cell
Add an article
a cell
show examples
phone
 with them, in
this
genuration
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generation
 it is very
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common
coummen
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common
 to
happind
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happen
 most of
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them
thim
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them
 stuck with
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 picaes
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because
becaus
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because
 it is very
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easy
eassy
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easy
 to use in
this
passeg
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passage
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will mention some of the
adventeges
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advantages
 and desadventegs about giving our children
cell
phone
 in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the
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benefit
benefits
benifit
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benefit
 behind
this
 is the
abelity
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ability
 to learn a lot of
things
 and
defirent
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different
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type
tap
days
tayp
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type
 of
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subject
supject
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subject
 which is good for
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
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knowledge
knowleg
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knowledge
 in
Add an article
an edition
the edition
show examples
edition
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addition
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of
Change preposition
to
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 that they can make some
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connection
connections
conection
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connections
 with
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 friend and
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discover
discver
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discover
 a new hopi
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
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for example
 they can learn how to draw or how to sing all of
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these
thies
Add an article
the thies
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things
 can do it with their
cell
phone
bout
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but
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 in
another
Correct determiner usage
the
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hand
Correct word choice
other hand
show examples
 the
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disadvantages
disadvantage
desadvanteges
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advantage
 is
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my view ,
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can be very
dinguros
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dangerous
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
thim
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them
 they can
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use
ues
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use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
roung
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wrong
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 for
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example
exampel
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example
 search for
things
 not
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allowed
allowd for
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allowing
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them
thim
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them
 to know about it our took to
straingers
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strangers
 who can
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hurt
huert
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hurt
 them in
tughf
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tough
 way
cell
Add an article
the cell
a cell
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phone
 is a small
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piece
pices
Change the noun form
pice
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 bout what it can
empact
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impact
 on our
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children
childearen
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children
 is really
enurmes
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enormous
ensures
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
last
 but not least
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tocnology
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technology
 is
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
bouble
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double
-
edged
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an edged
show examples
 sword my
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point
show examples
pointe
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point
show examples
 is to give them
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 but with parental control and
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education
educaitione
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education
educational
 theme about the consequences form the
roung
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wrong
 way
behind
Change preposition
of
show examples
 using
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and give
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them
thim
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them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trust
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let
show examples
leat
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let
show examples
 them know about that so
letar
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later
this
 will make
theme
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them
show examples
 feel like they are
responseble
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responsible
 about their false and it is good method to
lete
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let
 them
descuver
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discover
 a new
things
 in the saim time we feel
comfortabul
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comfortable
 because we know every
things
 about
thim
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them
Submitted by monm8097 on

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coherence cohesion
The response appears somewhat disorganized. Pay more attention to structuring arguments logically and using clear paragraphing to separate points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but require clearer articulation of your stance and summarization of main points.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are somewhat supported, further clarity and development are needed. Using concrete examples and explaining them thoroughly would strengthen your position.
task achievement
Ensure that your response completely addresses all parts of the task. Both sides of the argument should be discussed equally. Your opinion should be clear and integrated throughout the essay.
task achievement
While some ideas are clear, others are vague and need to be expressed more comprehensively. Aim to present each point clearly and concisely.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant but not developed enough. Include specific, detailed examples to support your points and show a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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