Excessive consumption of sugar causes many health related issues. Some people believe the government should control population’s sugar intake while others think people themselves should be responsible for their sugar eating habits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#consumption #sugar #health #people #government #control #population’s #intake #habits

well in

this

time and with the

all

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

update which is happening in our era to give children the ability to have a

cell

phone

with them, in

this

generation it is very common to happen most of them

stuck

Change the verb form

to stick

show examples

with these pieces because it is very easy to use in

this

passage i will mention some of the advantages and desadventegs about giving our children

cell

phone

in my opinion, the benefit behind

this

is the ability to learn a lot of

things

and different types of subjects which is good for improving their knowledge

in addition

to that they can make some connections with a new friend and discover a new hope,

for example

, they can learn how to draw or how to sing all of

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

these

things

can do it with their

cell

phone

but

on the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

the advantage is in my view ,

cell

phones can be very dangerous for them they can use them in the wrong ways

for example

search for

things

not allowing them to know about

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

taking

Correct your spelling

talking

show examples

to strangers who can hurt them in a tough way the

cell

phone

is a small piece bout what it can impact on our children is really enormous

last

but not least technology is double- an edged sword my point is to give them

cell

phones but with parental control and an educational theme about the consequences form the wrong way of using

cell

phones and give them trust let them know about that so later

this

will make them feel like they are responsible about their false and it is a good method to let them discover new

things

in the saim time we feel comfortable because we know

every thing

Correct your spelling

everything

show examples

about them

Submitted by monm8097 on Wed Nov 22 2023

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Task Achievement

Your essay does not directly address the given topic regarding sugar consumption, health issues, and the role of government versus individual responsibility. Make sure your essay is focused on the prompt and your position is clear throughout.

Coherence and Cohesion

There is a lack of clear structure, including a recognizable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The creation of a logical essay structure will enhance the reader's ability to follow your argument.

Task Achievement

Supporting your main points with specific examples will add strength to your argument. Always use relevant examples that are directly related to your main points and the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical and spelling errors; this will increase the clarity of your writing. Additionally, use a variety of sentence structures to create a more engaging and sophisticated essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Excessive consumption of sugar causes many health related issues. Some people believe the government should control population’s sugar intake while others think people themselves should be responsible for their sugar eating habits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You sent some documents by post recently, but they did not arrive. Write a letter to the post manager. In your letter -Give details of the situation -Describe the documents -Say what action you want tobe taken.

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actor, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that money is the most important factor when it comes to stay in the jobs other think other wise discuss both sides and give your opinion

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course in university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?