In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#countries #children #message

In some nations, teenagers believe that diligence will bring many achievements they want. I am of the opinion that working hard to achieve has its advantages and disadvantages. I will shed light on the issues in the following essay. On the one hand, teaching children that hard

work

can lead to success has several benefits.

Firstly

, young people will learn not to give up easily when faced with difficult situations because when youngsters

work

diligently, they have a sense of confidence in their skills and qualities.

Moreover

this

message can motivate juveniles, especially those who believe that innate talents determine success.

For instance

, when learning a second language, which is a challenging and time-consuming process, students need to truly understand that hard

work

, and not talents, to be able to improve their progress.

Finally

, young people who

work

hard could develop a positive mentality.

Therefore

, reminding adolescents that hard

work

pays off might inspire them to

work

diligently night and day to accomplish their goals rather than giving up and becoming frustrated.

On the other hand

, adolescents working non-stop has some drawbacks.

To begin

with, students working too much will affect their mental health.

Consequently

, individuals may experience stress and depression, which could lead to suicide. Because parents' achievement pressure and peer pressure can hurt a younger individual.

Furthermore

, if offspring make a lot of effort but are unable to obtain them, they misunderstand and think that they have wasted their time and energy on unimportant things.

As a consequence

, they will lose the motivation to try, so they will not get achievements in life. In conclusion, I am firmly of the opinion that

this

trend has benefits for young children in terms of their development,

while

it has some drawbacks.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Thu Nov 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear progression of ideas with logical sequencing. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity of the argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay introduction and conclusion are present, showing an understanding of the essay requirements. Try to refine these further by providing a stronger thesis statement and a more compelling summarization of the key points in your conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your main points are well supported by clear, relevant details and examples. Expand on each point for a more comprehensive explanation.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task with a complete response. Ensure your essay fulfills the requirements of the prompt fully, leaving no element unattended.

task achievement

Aim for clear and comprehensive development of ideas throughout your essay. Work on connecting your ideas more explicitly to the main argument to strengthen the overall narrative.

task achievement

Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Use detailed examples that accurately support your argument and enhance the reader's understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, most countries can improve living standards through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that drivers should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many jobs used to be done by hand, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

Some people say that Ebooks and modern technology will totally replace traditional newspapers and magazines to what extent do you agree or disagree?