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In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#countries #children #message
In some nations, teenagers believe that diligence will bring many achievements they want. I am of the opinion that working hard to achieve has its advantages and disadvantages. I will shed light on the issues in the following essay. On the one hand, teaching children that hard
work
 can lead to success has several benefits.
Firstly
, young people will learn not to give up easily when faced with difficult situations because when youngsters
work
 diligently, they have a sense of confidence in their skills and qualities.
Moreover
,
this
 message can motivate juveniles, especially those who believe that innate talents determine success.
For instance
, when learning a second language, which is a challenging and time-consuming process, students need to truly understand that hard
work
, and not talents, to be able to improve their progress.
Finally
, young people who
work
 hard could develop a positive mentality.
Therefore
, reminding adolescents that hard
work
 pays off might inspire them to
work
 diligently night and day to accomplish their goals rather than giving up and becoming frustrated.
On the other hand
, adolescents working non-stop has some drawbacks.
To begin
 with, students working too much will affect their mental health.
Consequently
, individuals may experience stress and depression, which could lead to suicide. Because parents' achievement pressure and peer pressure can hurt a younger individual.
Furthermore
, if offspring make a lot of effort but are unable to obtain them, they misunderstand and think that they have wasted their time and energy on unimportant things.
As a consequence
, they will lose the motivation to try, so they will not get achievements in life. In conclusion, I am firmly of the opinion that
this
 trend has benefits for young children in terms of their development,
while
 it has some drawbacks.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear progression of ideas with logical sequencing. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay introduction and conclusion are present, showing an understanding of the essay requirements. Try to refine these further by providing a stronger thesis statement and a more compelling summarization of the key points in your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are well supported by clear, relevant details and examples. Expand on each point for a more comprehensive explanation.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with a complete response. Ensure your essay fulfills the requirements of the prompt fully, leaving no element unattended.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive development of ideas throughout your essay. Work on connecting your ideas more explicitly to the main argument to strengthen the overall narrative.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Use detailed examples that accurately support your argument and enhance the reader's understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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