In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In some nations, teenagers believe that diligence will bring many achievements they want. I am of the opinion that working hard to achieve has its advantages and disadvantages. I will shed light on the issues in the following essay. On the one hand, teaching children that hard

work

Use synonyms

can lead to success has several benefits.

Firstly

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, young people will learn not to give up easily when faced with difficult situations because when youngsters

work

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diligently, they have a sense of confidence in their skills and qualities.

Moreover

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this

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message can motivate juveniles, especially those who believe that innate talents determine success.

For instance

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, when learning a second language, which is a challenging and time-consuming process, students need to truly understand that hard

work

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, and not talents, to be able to improve their progress.

Finally

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, young people who

work

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hard could develop a positive mentality.

Therefore

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, reminding adolescents that hard

work

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pays off might inspire them to

work

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diligently night and day to accomplish their goals rather than giving up and becoming frustrated.

On the other hand

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, adolescents working non-stop has some drawbacks.

To begin

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with, students working too much will affect their mental health.

Consequently

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, individuals may experience stress and depression, which could lead to suicide. Because parents' achievement pressure and peer pressure can hurt a younger individual.

Furthermore

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, if offspring make a lot of effort but are unable to obtain them, they misunderstand and think that they have wasted their time and energy on unimportant things.

As a consequence

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, they will lose the motivation to try, so they will not get achievements in life. In conclusion, I am firmly of the opinion that

this

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trend has benefits for young children in terms of their development,

while

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it has some drawbacks.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Thu Nov 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear progression of ideas with logical sequencing. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity of the argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay introduction and conclusion are present, showing an understanding of the essay requirements. Try to refine these further by providing a stronger thesis statement and a more compelling summarization of the key points in your conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your main points are well supported by clear, relevant details and examples. Expand on each point for a more comprehensive explanation.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task with a complete response. Ensure your essay fulfills the requirements of the prompt fully, leaving no element unattended.

task achievement

Aim for clear and comprehensive development of ideas throughout your essay. Work on connecting your ideas more explicitly to the main argument to strengthen the overall narrative.

task achievement

Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Use detailed examples that accurately support your argument and enhance the reader's understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

You have a complaint about the hotel you stayed at while attending a meeting that was booked by the organizer of a company meeting. Write a letter to the organizer of the meeting and include: -Details about the meeting -The problem you face -What should be done

Some people think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drinks contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that living in a large city is beneficial, while others think Some people believe that living in a large city is beneficial, while others think that it is more advantageous to live in a small town. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Do the advantages of supermarket outweight the disadvantages?