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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
#show #temperatures #months #three #cities #hours #sunshine #year
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The line chart illustrates the average
temperature
Use synonyms
 in three different
cities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
London
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, New
York
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, and Sydney in 12 months. The table
also
Linking Words
 illustrates the total
hours
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 of sunshine in three different
cities
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 for one
year
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. In April, Sydney experienced a downfall in the
temperature
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 until July it reached just over 15
degrees
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 and
this
Linking Words
 marked the lowest point for one whole
year
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. Meanwhile, Both
London
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 and New
York
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 are experiencing an upward trend with the
temperature
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 keep rising from January until July. In July, both
cities
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are reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
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 the highest degree of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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temperature
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, with
London
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over
Change preposition
at over
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 20
degrees
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 and New
York
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almost
Change preposition
at almost
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 30
degrees
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.
However
Linking Words
, from July to December, both
cities
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' temperatures get lower and eventually, New
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York
Change noun form
York's
show examples
temperature
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 is just 5
degrees
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 in December which is the lowest among the others. Not only New
York
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 but
London
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also
Linking Words
 faces cool weather with just almost 10
degrees
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at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Sydneys'
Change noun form
Sydney's
Sydneys'
show examples
temperature
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 rose sharply and by the end of the
year
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, the
temperature
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 had
rose
Change the verb form
risen
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until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 25
degrees
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. The total sunshine that New
York
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 receives is 2,535
hours
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 which is the highest compared to other
cities
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. Less than 62
hours
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 of sunlight is received by people who live in Sydney.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there is a 1,355-hour difference between
London
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 and New
York
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 which means that people in
London
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 receive less than 1,355
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sun light
Correct your spelling
sunlight
show examples
 compared to New Yorkers.
Submitted by lavenia34808 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, cities, london, york, hours, year, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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