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Band 3.5

Goverments around the world are spending billions in support of space programs. This money would be better spent on research into improvements in human health. Do you agree or disagree?

#goverments #world #billions #support #space #programs #money #research #improvements #health
In modern life, governments
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 huge amounts of
money
 to encourage
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
space
Change preposition
of space
show examples
programs
. Whilst some people think that
this
 is a good idea, I prefer
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
show examples
 governments
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend it
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing human health. Because in my opinion,
these
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
money
 could have been spent
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 more vital things. On the one hand,
space
programs
 can bring us some great discoveries and improvements in technology.
And these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
 innovations can solve some worldwide
concerning
Verb problem
apply
show examples
problems.
For example
, a company called "
spacex
Change the capitalization
Spacex
show examples
" right now planning to travel to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mars so
this
 can solve overpopulation on Earth.
Moreover
, recently, scientists discovered that in
space
 there is a planet which is very similar to our Earth and
good
Add a missing verb
has good
show examples
 conditions to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
On the other hand
, nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpopulation is not a very big trouble and there are dozens of problems which have higher importance like human health. There are many diseases without proper treatment and we could solve
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 if we would spend
money
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 searching
possible
Change preposition
for possible
show examples
treatment
Fix the agreement mistake
treatments
show examples
 rather than
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developing
space
programs
.
For instance
, right now, so many people are dying from diseases
such
 as cancer or HIV and these kind of problems must be solved first before investing budget into
space
programs
. In conclusion, it would be better if
this
money
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 improving human health rather than enhancing
space
programs
. So
that is
 why I do not agree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, Task Achievement is limited as you have not fully developed your argument with sufficiently extended and supported ideas. Include a more thorough examination of the topic with relevant, detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Ideas are somewhat organized, but there are instances where the argument may not flow naturally. Consider using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better structure your essay and clarify the relationship between your ideas.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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