IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe watching TV is bad for children. Others believe it is a good thing. Compare these two views. Then state which view you agree with

#people #tv #children #two
There have been a lot of people conviction that
onlooking
Verb problem
watching
show examples
TV
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
 is
worsefor
Correct your spelling
worse for
worse
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
different people rely on watching
tv is
Verb problem
TV
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 beneficial for children.it is agreed that television
show
 has
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 effect on
journey
Add an article
a journey
the journey
show examples
 of their life. Analyzing
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
outsides
Replace the word
outside
show examples
 the world
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
widen
Correct subject-verb agreement
widens
show examples
 their knowledge
as well as
 they got
entertained
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
also
effect
Verb problem
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
study
Replace the word
studies
show examples
well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. To commence with, any adolescent when they
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
display
Correct article usage
the display
show examples
 screen
knowing
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
 more all over the world
besides
 increasing
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 knowledge. To put it in detail, a person who
saw
Wrong verb form
sees
show examples
 television news
along with
 podcast
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
know about the current situation
also
 historical subject
such
 as
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 present situation
seeing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tv
that we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
know what
happen
Change the form of the verb
happened
show examples
 regarding
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Israel and Palestine war.
Thus
,when they
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 any scientific
show
 know about science matter ,
Therefore
, rising outside information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
 intelligent
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
an
Change preposition
to an
show examples
 individual who did not
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 screen effective science. On the flip
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
, there are various channels for
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 that can benefit
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
study
.
For example
, an individual who always
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertained
show examples
to see
Change preposition
by seeing
show examples
 cartoon, movie, or drama in
others language
Fix the agreement mistake
other languages
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
learn
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
many country language that
effective
Add a missing verb
are effective
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their future life when they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 for abroad for
study
 purpose or travel.
However
,
it's gives
Change the verb form
it gives
show examples
much
Correct pronoun usage
us much
show examples
 pleasure
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
show examples
 our life's stress and
relax
Correct subject-verb agreement
relaxes
show examples
 our body and mind ,
its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us to great attention on
study
.
This
 means it is crucial for
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 to strong their brain. To
summerise
Correct your spelling
summarise
show examples
, In
this
 present generation
to
Verb problem
it
show examples
show
 is important for children to learn about
outside
Correct article usage
the outside
show examples
 world
along side
Correct your spelling
alongside
show examples
 relaxation
also
 paramount signifierent to
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
study
 more effectively. So it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 agreed that
TV
 is a good thing for
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
 it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wonderful way to teach essential things to view a screen .
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure clarity in the introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the topic and the writer's position, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the arguments.
logical structure
Improve logical structuring by organizing paragraphs with clear topic sentences, followed by supporting details and examples. Use transition words to connect ideas.
supported main points
Support your main points with clear explanations or examples. Each paragraph should center on one main idea with relevant supporting information.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task. Present a clear and relevant position throughout the response. All parts of the prompt should be adequately covered.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas to be clear and comprehensive. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your viewpoints effectively and ensure understanding.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Avoid vague statements. Use examples that clearly relate to the topic and add strength to your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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