At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is true that we are living in a modern era in which the phenomena of globalization have been more ubiquitous than ever before. Through the development of science and technology, the general populace can

also

Linking Words

improve the quality of their life and longevity. That leads to an

aging

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ageing

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population. The economic and social impact of population

aging

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ageing

show examples

is extremely crucial. That's why, many

people

Use synonyms

in some countries prevent it, resulting in an increase in a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older

people

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Thus

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, It has lots of advantages. In

this

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essay, I'm going to explain fully about the details. On the one hand, youth gives

people

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more energy on what they want to do, giving rise to a developed society. Young adults can make a positive contribution to the community by taking part in community services and volunteer work. Because they have health and finances to devote themselves to the community.

For example

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, it is common to see younger

people

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spend their time providing food or clothes for unlucky

people

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. In the field of science, there are many young

people

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who have created many new achievements.

For example

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, students at a university created a

voice–controlled

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voice–controlled

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wheelchair. That helps

people

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with disabilities can go anywhere they want without help from others.

Therefore

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, a country has a large number of young adults can improve and develop the economy of the country.

On the other hand

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, if your country has elder seniors, your nation won't have lots of benefits. Because the older

people

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aren't able to work like young

people

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. They must retire and receive subsidies from the government. In the aspect of health, older

people

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have many problems with diseases

such

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as heart disease, diabetes, you name it. So, they must be taken care of by someone else.

For instance

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, in Japan, the proportion of elderly

people

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has increased and they lack patient care staff.

Besides

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, the career structure changes since seniors are too old to work.

To sum up

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although

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there are always exceptions, we can not deny the statement of having two slides. When the

aging

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ageing

show examples

population increases rapidly, the economy is

also

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in recession. So, we should control

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

aging

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ageing

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to develop the nation in the era of globalization.

jakelong16091994Thu Nov 23 2023

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task response

Your essay strays from the given topic by discussing the prevention of aging populations rather than focusing on the particular aspect of having a large number of young adults relative to older people. The task requires a discussion of whether the advantages of this demographic trend outweigh the disadvantages, not a general statement on the age population.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay does present an introduction and conclusion, which is positive. However, the essay lacks clear topic sentences and cohesive devices that would help to guide the reader through a logical argument. Consider using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and incorporating transition words to enhance the flow of ideas.

task response

You have attempted to provide examples to support your points, which is good. However, the examples are somewhat generic and not fully developed. To achieve a higher band score, ensure that the examples are directly relevant to the topic, provide specific details and are clearly linked to your main argument.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

377 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Plastic products are bad for environment? Tell me the cause and solution?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?