Write about the following topic. In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that
people
in the world have a tendency to use some
products
which can help their
skin
brighten up. I would contend that my essay is dedicated to the underlying roots, followed by some equivalent influences. Without a shadow of a doubt,
skin
whitening items can bring a large profit for companies which are involved in beautiful aspects and one of the outstanding reasons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to
this
phenomenon is
media
effects. Because
media
platforms show that
white skinned
Add a hyphen
white-skinned
show examples
people
are more beautiful and have higher status than
dark skinned
Add a hyphen
dark-skinned
show examples
people
,
as a result
, it can lead to a population of
skin
care
products
which can assist their
skin
whitening up after a period.
For example
, there are abundant advertisements which are produced by cosmetic brands in order to not only express
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
important role of white
skin
but
also
to improve
people
's use of their
products
.
Hence
, a remarkable justification why cosmetic manufacturers which can enhance
people
’s
skin
white
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
become more and more popular is
media
effects.
While
the culprit of
this
problem is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if
influences
Correct article usage
the influences
show examples
of whitening items are ignored. With the hope of having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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light and clean
skin
, there are many
people
who abuse cosmetic
products
so as
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apply
show examples
to increase
level
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the level
show examples
white
Change preposition
of white
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of their
skin
without caring about their impacts, especially
skin
diseases.
For instance
, nowadays, in the market, there is a wealth of whitening
products
which can contain some harmful ingredients which can contribute to some serious problems related to
skin
diseases,
therefore
, if
people
do not have enough in-depth knowledge about cosmetics, they can suffer a flood of alarming diseases.
Thus
using cosmetics to have
a
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apply
show examples
white
skin
with limited knowledge,
people
’s
skin
can be influenced by some bad ingredients in
this
product. In conclusion, a reason why
people
tend to take a keen interest in utilizing light
products
to improve their
skin
is impacted by
media
platforms and it can result in some unhealthy problems to their
skin
if they make use of it for a long time.
Submitted by nh203618 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but you need to ensure that you develop your main points fully, providing clearer explanations and more relevant examples to support your arguments. Connect your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from better organization. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and utilize cohesive devices to help the reader follow your argument. Work on creating a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay.

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