Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many foods and drinks contain too much
sugar
in them which leads to serious health
issues. Some individuals argue that the prices of these products
should be expensive to stop people
from buying them. I agree with this
statement because sugary products
are crucial to society, and rising price
leads people
to change their choices.
The consumption of high amounts of sugar
can be dangerous to society. This
is because of the negative effects of these products
on people
's health
. Consuming more sugar
can lead to insulin resistance which may cause type 2 sugar
disease. Also
, the artificial ingredients used in these products
can damage the digestion system and make people
sicker. For instance
, in the USA the percentages of people
who get diabetes and obesity are high because of the higher consumption of sugary food.
The rising price
of sugary products
can make people
question themselves before buying them. People
like to buy products
which are affordable and have good taste like sugary snacks and drinks. However
; the increasing costs of these products
can make people
choose affordable ones such
as fruits and vegetables and these choices can help them become healthier. For example
, in Saudi Arabia, many markets have begun to increase the price
of sugary food and sell healthy food like dates and milk at a lower price
and this
influences the customer choice.
In conclusion, supermarkets should make the prices of snacks and beverages that contain a huge amount of sugar
higher, due to
its harmful impact on people
's health
. I believe that these sugary snacks can affect an individual's health
negatively and rising costs can influence what people
choose to consume.Submitted by sam on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with relevant examples. However, try to reinforce the points with more varied and detailed arguments to further enhance your task response quality.
task achievement
Re-read and polish your sentences for grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. Consider paraphrasing some ideas to avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smoother to maintain a clear logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effective, but the essay could benefit from stronger topic sentences that clearly frame each paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents and supports its position regarding sugary products with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
A well-defined introduction and conclusion contribute to the clarity of the essay.
task achievement
The examples provided in the essay are pertinent and effectively illustrate the point being made, such as the Saudi Arabia example.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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