IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Modern professional women confront a difficulty that men don’t generally face: the struggle to balance the pressures of work and home. In your opinion, how can this difficulty best be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own knowledges and experiences.

#women #difficulty #men #don’t #face #struggle #balance #pressures #work #home #knowledges #experiences
In today's world new-age
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 face the issue that the opposite gender doesn't encounter, which is to balance the duality of
work
 and
home
. In the
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will cite the concerns and give my stance on it. After all these years of modernization , it is unfortunate to see
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 having to deal with
this
 problem. The major trouble is time, as we need to know time waits for no one, especially not for working women. Waking up early in the morning, taking care of the chores, getting ready
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
, preparing for the day and finding your way back
home
 to a hungry child and husband where you need to start making food
then
 winding up your
work
 calls is an extreme sport.
However
, women across the globe have been doing
this
 for decades now . There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 only 24 hours of the day, and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 unfair to expect all tasks to be done perfectly at both front.
For Example
, I have witnessed my mother, and grandmother
work
 really hard from dawn to dusk, juggling their careers and a family which eventually
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to burnout mentally and physically. From examination, there seems to be a lack of support that contributes
difficulty
Change preposition
to difficulty
show examples
 in
this
 balancing act. Support can come in different ways,
such
 as an understanding and compassionate environment at
work
 and
home
,
this
 can aid us in
accomodating
Correct your spelling
accommodating
 our requests in daily life.
For Example
, the CEO of
pespi
Change the capitalization
Pespi
show examples
, Uma, expressed in her biography that her support system was the biggest push to success. Her workplace was friendly and flexible
whereas
 her partner , family , and peers offered to take off a lot of
work
 from her plate. After reflecting , I feel women dealing with
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
 problems are put in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unfair circumstances which pushes them to balance
work
 and
home
. With the right kind of help and
gentle
Correct article usage
a gentle
show examples
environment
Add a comma
environment,
show examples
this
 can be overcome.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction that addresses the topic of the essay effectively, a body that elaborates on the key points with adequate support, and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and reiterates your stance.
coherence
When constructing the essay, make connections between paragraphs and sentences clear to enhance the flow of ideas and arguments. Use cohesive devices appropriately and vary sentence structures for better readability and coherence.
task response
Address the prompt completely by exploring the implications of the statement. Provide a fully developed response with relevant examples that demonstrate your understanding of the topic. Expand on your ideas sufficiently to meet the task requirements.
examples
Incorporate more specific examples that are directly relevant to the prompt to support your arguments. These examples should be developed and demonstrate the point being made effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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