IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#education #healthcare #government
It's thought that medical services
as well as
 education should be free for the the public. In
this
 essay, I will illustrate my opinion
in addition
 to some justifications.
To begin
 with, the governments have to fund learning and medical treatments to provide the public with a suitable educational background and good health. Regarding healthcare, it is essential to be funded in order to save the public from some chronic diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure.
Therefore
, a
number
 of patients will not stuck in hospital corridors in order to get their treatment. A clear example is Japan the patient's
number
 who suffer from fetal and chronic diseases is a handful. So as to the given reasons, what the government has to do is provide medical treatment without any fees In terms of learning, the poorest will not have a good chance to learn If the government does not make education free for anyone.
On the other hand
, If the authorities do not follow
this
 strategy, the
number
 of poverties will increase, significantly is to some extent caused by lack of money which is mandatory in learning because they are desperate to learn to overcome their disadvantages and get money in the future in order to meet their basic needs.
For instance
, in my country, the learning of the public was funded by the government,so the
number
 of the poorest was not as high as in the
last
 decade. In a nutshell,
According to
 the aforementioned reasons I believe that funding medical and learning institutions is mandatory not an accessory.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You need to clarify your stance on the issue in the introduction and maintain that viewpoint throughout the essay. While you did briefly mention your agreement with the topic, it would have been more effective if you elaborated on your position and supported it with clear and well-developed arguments in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all the sentences within the paragraph relate closely to that central idea. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs need to be smooth for a logical flow of ideas. Take care not to introduce new ideas in the conclusion that were not discussed in the main body.
task achievement
While you provided an example in your essay, it's important to ensure that the examples are specific and fully developed. Use these examples to illustrate your points more effectively, and ensure you include enough detail so that the relevance and impact of your example are clear to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: