IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

77.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#information #features #comparisons
The chart below illustrates the distribution of private
insurance
 policies in the world,
while
 the table illustrates the distribution of areas in which
insurance
 is used in India, England and Australia.
Overall
,
auto
 and
health
insurance
 have the largest proportion of the
overall
 share. The other significant feature is that England's population have the largest number of people with
insurance
 among the other nations.
Auto
insurance
 occupies 35% of the
overall
 share, which is the biggest proportion compared with the others. Life
insurance
 has 28% of the total share, which is 3% less than
health
insurance
. The
last
 6% are
insurance
 of other types. 25% of England’s population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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Add an article
an
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allowance, which is mainly distributed in
auto
insurance
, with 10%,
while
health
 and life
insurance
 have 7.9% and 5.7% respectively.
Moreover
, Africa's
insurance
 is mainly used in
health
, with 3.5%, which is double the number of life
insurance
,
while
 only 0.4% is
auto
insurance
.
Finally
, 15% of the total population in Australia have
insurance
, of which 1.9% belongs to
auto
insurance
, 1.3% to
health
 and only 0.5%.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a basic structure to the essay, but it lacks a cohesive logical flow. Introduction and conclusions are not clearly demarcated, and the transition between them could be improved. To enhance coherence, try to logically link your ideas and use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
While you have attempted to complete the task, the essay lacks a clear overview of main trends, comparisons, and features, and you have included some details which are not directly relevant to the task. To improve task achievement, ensure you fully address the requirements by providing a clear and concise summary of the main features without including unnecessary information. Also, try to compare the data more explicitly where relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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