IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

95.Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Other believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some say that
people
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 should
work
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 in the
country
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 where they studied and trained,
while
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 others believe that individuals are free to choose where they want to go.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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countries
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 make a
lot
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 of effort to train these
people
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, they have the right to choose where they want to
work
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 because they have their own dreams. On the one hand, some professions
such
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 as doctors, scientists and engineers need many years to finish their careers.
Then
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, governments spend a
lot
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 of money and time to train and prepare them, so that in the future, they can succeed and help to improve the
country
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. If they decide to
work
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 in other
countries
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,
then
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 the nation where they have taken classes will not gain anything.
For example
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, many Chinese scientists went to the United States to
study
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 their careers, but after graduating they went back to China, and almost no one knows where they have studied.
However
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, in my opinion,
people
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 pay for university, so
countries
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 have gained enough funds from the students.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 have wasted a
lot
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 of money to travel to other
countries
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 to
study
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.
This
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 is because the reputation of the place or the
country
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 from where they come from does not offer classes related to the career. So the only option they have is to
study
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 in other nations and
then
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 go back to their
country
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, in
this
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 way, education in their
country
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 can improve.
For instance
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, some developing and undeveloped
countries
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 do not have engineering careers because are very difficult areas that they have not learnt yet, so
people
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 only can travel to other nations to
study
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 the career. I believe that allowing
people
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 to
work
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 where they want will improve education in all
countries
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. In conclusion,
although
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countries
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 spend a
lot
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 of time teaching and training
people
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, they have the right to follow their dreams or get back to their
countries
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
When presenting your arguments, ensure your essay has a clear introduction, comprehensive body paragraphs, and a precise conclusion. Your introduction should provide a clear overview of the topics to be discussed, and your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made throughout the essay. Consider revisiting your introduction and conclusion to improve clarity and effectiveness.
logical structure
Structure your paragraphs in a clear, logical way, using a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words and transitions. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas within and between paragraphs are coherently connected to the overall argument of the essay. You could benefit from a more careful selection and application of such devices to enhance the flow of your essay.
supported main points
Support main points with relevant examples and detailed explanations. While you provided some examples, elaborating more comprehensively on these would strengthen your arguments. It's important that examples are both specific and clearly linked to your main points to ensure they contribute effectively to your argument.
complete response
Your response needs to completely answer all parts of the task. While you touched upon the topic, there is room to more thoroughly explore the perspectives and provide a clearer personal opinion. Make sure to address all prompts given in the task assignment and develop your opinion more fully to achieve a higher score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas clearly and comprehensively throughout the essay. While you made an effort to explain your ideas, further elaboration and depth in your argumentation would increase clarity. Use specific detail to illustrate your points and reinforce your arguments, ensuring your ideas are clearly communicated to the reader.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples you provided require further elaboration and direct relevance to the main argument. Providing more detailed examples will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay and help illustrate your points more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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