IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

113.Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific reseach, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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Some say that
information
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 about research should be shared with everyone,
while
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 others would argue that it is better to keep some
information
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 confidential.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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 not sharing
information
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 can reduce
competition
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, sharing
data
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 can lead to better goods and consumers will be more confident. On the one hand, not sharing some
data
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 can reduce
competition
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 between companies.
This
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 is because by not giving some
information
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, the companies will remain ahead of the competitors and avoid patent issues. Sharing knowledge
such
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 as finance and the algorithm confidential might cost the organization a lot of money and take away its competitive advantage and
this
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 might cause a reduction in their earnings and their reputation.
For example
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, Inditex normally only shares part of their
data
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, because if other clothes brands know all the
information
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 and the reason why they succeed, can cause higher
competition
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 in the market.
However
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, I believe pioneers always have more profit and are more successful than the followers.
On the other hand
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, sharing
information
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 makes
people
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 more confident. Since they know about all the process and all the details of the product, normally,
people
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 are more willing to use something that they are sure they are not harmful.
Also
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, sharing
information
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 can lead to better
products
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.
This
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 is because there will be more
people
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 working for the same aim. Individuals can help each other to get the final results think of possible solutions and improve the product.
For instance
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, there are many scientific researches that succeed because scientists share
information
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 with others and work together to get the result they want. In my opinion, sharing
information
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 can lead to the improvement of
products
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 for consumers. In conclusion,
although
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 there is less
competition
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 when
people
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 do not share
data
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 about their business, sharing
information
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,
people
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 will trust more in the
products
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 and there will be better
products
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, I,
therefore
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, believe that it is better to share
information
Use synonyms
 with others.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow could be tightened. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that the main idea is clearly stated in the topic sentence. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the essay's progression.
task achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, the specific examples provided to support points could be more detailed and relevant. Aim to demonstrate how the examples directly support your thesis. Additionally, make sure your response remains focused on the specific task, avoiding generalized or overly broad statements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • innovation
  • breakthroughs
  • democratize
  • socio-economic groups
  • duplication of efforts
  • proprietary
  • competitive edge
  • market position
  • ethical considerations
  • intellectual property rights
  • recognition
  • financial reward
  • patents
  • sensitive information
  • misused
  • security concerns
  • accessibility
  • bridge the gap
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