IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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With the advent of the Internet and communication technology, an increasing number of consumers are turning to online shopping rather than traditional brick-and-mortar retail.
While
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this
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 trend offers unparalleled convenience, I contend that it has detrimental effects on local entrepreneurs. On the one hand, I am certain that stores being replaced by online shops benefit the public in many ways. Specifically, it is quicker and cheaper to shop online than in-storefronts. By shopping at home, people no longer need to drive for hours and spend on parking, toll tickets, and gas just to get to the nearest malls. By shopping online, people can just stay at home and avoid
such
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 unnecessary expenses. In fact, most shopping applications
such
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 as Amazon and AliExpress offer not only highly discounted items but
also
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 free shipping, which helps consumers save greater costs.
On the other hand
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, I do not deny that online shopping can be absolutely detrimental to local businesses.
In particular
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, with the surge in online buyers, physical stores lose their hard-earned customers and,
thereafter
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, go bankrupt. We have actually seen
this
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 trend during
this
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 time of pandemic when all business establishments had to shut down and all people must stay at home and shop electronically. The COVID-19 pandemic has truly accelerated the fall of a large group of retailers, who have been fighting for dwindling sales and growing debt over the years. Unfortunately, citizens have become so accustomed to online shopping that they now prefer it over in-person purchases, even as malls have begun to reopen. In conclusion, I concur that online buying replacing shopping in physical stores is both a positive and negative development considering convenience and business bankruptcy, respectively.

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logical structure
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear, cohesive transitions. This will facilitate a better understanding for the reader and enhance the overall cohesiveness of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present which offers clarity on your position regarding the topic. However, try to use less complex sentences when establishing your argument, to maintain a clear introduction and a forceful conclusion for your essay.
supported main points
Aim to provide stronger support for your main points with more relevant, detailed examples. By doing so, each argument will become more compelling and persuasive to your audience.
complete response
You have presented a complete response to the prompt, demonstrating an understanding of the task. Now focus on consistently relating each paragraph back to the main topic to ensure that all ideas are pertinent and contribute to your central argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. This means articulating your points more concisely and ensuring that each point is thoroughly explained and well-developed.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to substantiate your arguments. Concrete examples add credibility to your essay and make your arguments more convincing to readers.
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