IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today, many people don't know their neighbours in large city What problems does this cause what can be done about this

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While
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 the population of major cities increases, the traditional
neighbourhood
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 values among citizens are deteriorating.
People
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 prioritise socializing through social media
platforms
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 over spending time with their
neighbours
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due to
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 the impact of social media
platforms
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as well as
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 diversification in megacities and I think,
this
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 can be overcome by organizing community events across the neighbourhoods. One of the leading causes of the problem is that many
people
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 divert a huge amount of their time to social media
platforms
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such
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 as Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, to socialize alongside meet up with new
people
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.
Consequently
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, those
people
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 have no interest in getting to know their
neighbours
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 because establishing real-world relationships with the
people
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 they are surrounded by becomes challenging for them.
Additionally
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,
although
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 the traditional
neighbourhood
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 spirit still exists in some old neighbourhoods in cities where everyone knows each other well, the complex demographics of large cities make it hard for a similar group of
people
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 to come together to form
this
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 type of
neighbourhood
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.
For instance
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, in New York, the majority of New Yorkers have not even contacted their
neighbours
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 let alone know them personally as the level of trust between
people
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 from different backgrounds is extremely low. It is important to acknowledge the importance of
neighbourhood
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 values. I contend with the idea that
neighbours
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 who live in close proximity should have healthy relationships to help each other and their communities. As a German technique to gather
neighbours
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 around to introduce themselves and get to know each other, barbeque events might help to defrost the ice between
neighbours
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. In conclusion, though many
people
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 do not have a relationship with their
neighbours
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due to
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 factors like online socializing
platforms
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 and demographic diversification, holding community events like barbeque parties can help
neighbours
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 engage.

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coherence cohesion
The essay displays a fair degree of logical structure but would benefit from more explicit connectors and a clearer progression of ideas throughout the text. Use more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure the introduction more clearly outlines the essay's upcoming points and the conclusion succinctly summarizes key arguments without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While you provided adequate support for your main points, it would enhance your essay to delve deeper into each point with additional explanation or elaboration for greater impact.
task achievement
Make sure to respond to all parts of the task by not only outlining the problem but also offering detailed solutions. Expand on your solutions and relate them back to the problem more explicitly to ensure completeness.
task achievement
Your ideas are relatively clear and comprehensible, but strive for greater clarity by directly addressing the question prompt and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea it explores.
task achievement
You have used some specific examples, which is good. However, try to include more varied examples and evidence from different perspectives to bolster your arguments and engage the reader more thoroughly.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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