Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In the realm of public health, a perennial debate revolves around whether
public
should go to doctors or do Add an article
the public
alternative
treatments and medicines. This
is the dichotomy between mainstream and non-mainstream that happens in many other fields. I am inclined to believe that people with the non-mainstream view, going to alternative
institutions instead
of the common one, have negative aspects.
It could be argued that alternative
health organizations could provide cheaper drugs while
mainstream institution medications are more expensive. However
, the alternatives do not have a guarantee of its
safety. Correct pronoun usage
their
Hospitals
, in comparison, have many guarantees and legal permission for their operation. Every single medicine in hospitals
has legal permission and its safety is proven. This
legal causes
hospital medicine more expensive than Verb problem
makes
outlaw
Replace the word
outlawed
drug
. Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
On the other hand
, doctors in hospitals
have interdisciplinary problem-solving skills in order to treat their patients well. This
is extremely different from unproved actors of alternative
health institutions.
The proponents of non-mainstream theory
believe that many big institutions monopolize many fields in social life. However
, critics of hospitals
have been a part of a broader conspiracy
theory
since the deployment of the internet and social media. Nowadays, many community
start to think that they are in the Change to a plural noun
communities
conspiracy
of elite big pharmachy industries. These elites have created deception when societies need help due to
their physical condition. Unfortunately, conspiracy
theory
is conspiracy
theory
so no one can prove it properly. By deeply cultivating critical thinking, people could against this
false and weird opinion.
To take everything into account, people choosing alternative
medicines instead
of trusted clinic
have a negative impact because that institution is dangerous and Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
this
is part of accepting conspiracy
ideology.Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay lacks clarity. The argument would benefit from a more linear progression of ideas, ensuring a natural flow from one point to the next without abrupt transitions.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they do not effectively frame the essay. They should succinctly introduce and recapitulate the main points, respectively, and establish a stronger position on the topic from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but the supporting evidence is sometimes vague or not sufficiently developed. Improve this by providing more detailed explanations and stronger, specific examples to back up claims.
task achievement
Your essay responds to the task, but it's not a fully complete response. You should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in a balanced manner, with a clear and reasoned conclusion derived from the content of the essay.
task achievement
The clarity and comprehension of ideas need improvement. Make sure each paragraph contains one clear main idea and that the essay as a whole has a logical arrangement that supports the main argument.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant, but more detailed and specific examples should be included in order to strengthen the argument and enrich the content of the essay. This will help to support your points more convincingly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
