IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#animals #place #st #century #waste #resources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Wild creatures are facing great danger nowadays and raise
people
Use synonyms
's more attention than ever before.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 may consider wildlife protection as meaningless, I would argue that protecting wild species will bring us long-term benefits. On the one hand, I agree that protecting endangered
wildlifes
Correct your spelling
wildlife
 demands a great deal of resources.
First,
Linking Words
there will be more wild animal zoos, which can gather all the endangered
animals
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 means massive budgets
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 enough food resources and technical talents, which will usually bring back
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
few feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
little feedback
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
it is unrealistic to seek out all the rare creatures and collect them together.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that there are various benefits derived from wild
animals
Use synonyms
' protection.
First,
Linking Words
it will help boost the diversity of wild creatures, which
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent will contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ecological studies. By analyzing the wild
animals
Use synonyms
, ecologists can help develop the ecosystem.
In addition
Linking Words
, protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild
animals
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 help the ecology maintain a balance. The food chain will be damaged if one of its critical
component
Change to a plural noun
components
show examples
 is extinct.
Thus
Linking Words
, by providing
safeguard
Fix the agreement mistake
safeguards
show examples
 to mammals,
people
Use synonyms
 can
prevent
Verb problem
protect
show examples
 their environment from danger. In conclusion, I suggest that
people
Use synonyms
 should make
their
Change the word
an
show examples
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 to protect endangered
animals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 609553855 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
While the essay's structure includes an introduction and conclusion, stronger closing arguments could enhance its impact. Clearly restate the main thesis and briefly summarize key points to reinforce the stance taken.
logical structure
The essay generally follows a logical order, but transitions between points could be smoother. Utilize linking phrases effectively to guide the reader from one idea to the next without abrupt shifts, ensuring a cohesive reading experience.
supported main points
The essay supports its main points; however, the arguments would be strengthened by providing more specific examples and evidence to illustrate the benefits and challenges of wildlife protection.
complete response
The response adequately discusses both sides of the issue and presents a clear opinion, but greater exploration of the topic would provide a more complete response.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay introduces relevant ideas about the costs and benefits of wildlife protection. However, to enhance clarity, state ideas more comprehensively by expanding on the analysis of each argument presented.
relevant specific examples
Comparison of the arguments lacks specificity. Include more detailed and concrete examples to support the views on wildlife protection. Real-world instances or statistics would add weight to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: