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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should not start primary school until they are six or seven-years-old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Education is a key part of young people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 - it constitutes the factor that influences their future.
As a result
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, many believe that it should start as early as possible to allow
children
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 to take the biggest advantage of it.
However
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, at the same time, others claim that primary
school
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 should start only at the
age
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 of six or even seven. Each of these views has both pros and cons. Starting education at a very young
age
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 can allow
children
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 to benefit from it the most.
While
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 kids below six years old won't be able to learn advanced subjects it still can have a positive impact on them. After all, not only does
school
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 teach
children
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 about the world, but
also
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 it boosts their socialization which has the largest significance at a young
age
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.
Therefore
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, the earlier it begins the more complex results it will have, which means that kids will be capable of interacting with others more smoothly and easily.
On the other hand
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, we cannot
dismss
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dismiss
 the importance of a very young
age
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 as the time when
children
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 can have fun and discover the world on their own.
For instance
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, forcing kids to attend
school
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 may have a reverse result, as they will be less motivated to learn. If they can explore their environment without the need to be in a classroom, they can enjoy it more.
Consequently
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, young people who are not forced to gain knowledge can be more motivated to do it on their own. In conclusion, in my opinion, the advantages of beginning
school
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 above the
age
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 of six or seven outweigh the disadvantages. Despite
school
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 booster socialization, childhood is the time when young people should be able to have fun and discover their environment on their own.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear link between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your response well.
task achievement
You've explored both views effectively and provided your own opinion, achieving a complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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