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Band 4

Nowadays internet addiction become trend discuss about causes and effects for this problem

#internet #addiction #trend #effects
In recent years, the
internet
 has rapidly become a part of people's lives. Multimedia is the one of data types and provides
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
entertaining
content
.
However
, many people overuse the
internet
 and
this
 leads to drawbacks.
This
 essay will describe the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and effects of using the
internet
. Human
routines
 to ensure their lives are going well, sometimes give them a bore or pressure situation.
Besides
, video or music
content
 could provide happiness and overcome boredom
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In addition
, many genres of games that are easily accessed depend on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 interest. Somehow, the games serve a short goal that makes someone feel happy when reach it and
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them forget the heavy goal from their office.
In addition
, video
content
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media sometimes makes them feel happy and comforting minds.
Furthermore
, the intensity of accessing entertaining
content
 should not
be disturbing
Wrong verb form
disturb
show examples
 all basic
routines
such
 as working,
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
,
workout
Correct your spelling
working out
show examples
, communicating with family and other activities that make us still human.
For example
, there is someone who likes "Naruto Movie" and decides to watch it in free time, it will him positive effects if he still does his work nicely and all the basic
routines
. But, when it makes him awake at night and reduces sleep time, the negative effects will become a disaster.
Finally
, the reason for
of
Correct article usage
the of
show examples
 overuse the
internet
 has come from the lack of managing ability to prioritise desire and what
routines
 they must do. If someone cannot manage the lack, we will face some negative issues at that moment or future.
Submitted by assakrhn on

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task achievement
Your introduction does not clearly address the task of discussing the causes and effects of internet addiction, resulting in an inadequate task response. To score higher, make sure you directly address the prompt and outline your essay thoughtfully. Start by defining internet addiction and then explicitly state the causes and effects that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a degree of logical structuring with topic sentences and some progression of ideas, but the arguments are not always coherent, and the connection between them is weak. To achieve a higher score in coherence and cohesion, you should clearly differentiate your paragraphs, use a wider range of cohesive devices, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that relates directly to the task.
task achievement
You made an attempt to use examples, but they were not fully relevant or specific, such as the reference to someone enjoying a 'Naruto Movie.' Work on providing clear examples that directly relate to and support your arguments about the causes and effects of internet addiction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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