Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Smartphones
had became
a part of our Wrong verb form
have become
day to day
life. A few Add a hyphen
day-to-day
children
spend time everyday
on their mobile phones. Replace the word
every day
Thus
, it can develop several complications in young people
Change noun form
people's
life
. In Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
essay, I will explain the case and determine by providing examples to support my thoughts.
Firstly
, parents provide their mobile phones to children
in order to make them happy. Although
,
these Remove the comma
apply
smartphonesphones
provide various useful information, Correct your spelling
phones
children
love to play games which causes them a short-time
happiness. Correct your spelling
short-term
Moreover
, main
case is that Change the article
the main
children
usually make some annoying stuff in
home and to avoid that parents provide their Change preposition
at
phone
to make their young Fix the agreement mistake
phones
one's
silent. Change noun form
ones
For instance
, a survey reported in Tamil Nadu that 80% of children
were using smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
while
they are
eating.
Wrong verb form
were
Secondly
, using smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
had
both benefits Wrong verb form
has
as well as
drawbacks. In addition
, people with young age, more often use their mobile phones in a negative way. Though it is used in short period
of time having a busy schedule Fix the agreement mistake
periods
regard with
studies, they prefer Replace the word
regarding
by spending
the time Change preposition
to spend
as
Change preposition
apply
an
entertainment purposes. Correct your spelling
in
Thus
, it causes a
significant damage to their health. Remove the article
apply
Furthermore
, children
don't make
Verb problem
do
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
while
watching some
entertainment videos, Correct quantifier usage
apply
yet
resulting Correct word choice
apply
to
Change preposition
in
the
decrease in physical activity. Correct article usage
a
For example
, people with
Change preposition
at
young
age Correct article usage
a young
is suffering
from Wrong verb form
suffer
defect
in Fix the agreement mistake
defects
eyes
that they Correct pronoun usage
their eyes
couldn't
see objects without wearing spectacles.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
can't
usageusuage
of technological devices must be an option and should not be used frequently. So. I think Correct your spelling
the usage
negative
side of Add an article
the negative
a negative
children
using smartphone
outweighs the benefitsFix the agreement mistake
smartphones
more
.Correct quantifier usage
apply
Submitted by insighttribez on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, coherent body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and should transition smoothly to the next.
Task Achievement
Focus on fully responding to all parts of the prompt. Provide a balanced view if required, and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay. Expand your ideas to show the implications or opinions more comprehensively.
