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Band 4

Some people think it is acceptable to use the animals in any way for benfits of human beings, while others think it is not justifiable. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #animals #benfits #beings
It is
Correct article usage
a debateable
show examples
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 topic among communities that it is normal to utilize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 in any
way
 for the
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of human beings,
while
 others do not support the idea.
This
 essay will provide
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 explanation on both sides of supporting the argument and rejecting it. On the one hand, many people are convinced that they should take advantage of the
animals
 without considering an ethical
way
 for the sake of fulfilling their
nessecities
Correct your spelling
necessities
.
From food
Change preposition
Food
show examples
, beverages, clothes, trousers, and purses,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all are made
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 animal materials. Without it, factories will not produce the best-quality product, so it leads to
declining
Replace the word
a decline
show examples
 in sales and eventually
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 the economy
plummeted
Change the verb form
to plummet
show examples
. So, they keep hunting the
animals
 and
exploits
Correct subject-verb agreement
exploit
show examples
 them without anything left behind. Snake-hunting,
for instance
, is the
way
 hunters
exhausting
Wrong verb form
exhaust
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 everything that snakes have
such
 as
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 position for medicine prescription, and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 skin to produce
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best-quality purse.
On the other hand
,
unethical
Correct article usage
an unethical
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 approach to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
Add a missing verb
is againsts
show examples
againsts
Correct your spelling
against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature is not justifiable
to do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Although
 we have domination over other creatures to freely manage everything on earth, it does not mean we have to break the rules.
Animals
 are
also
 part of the ecosystem as a whole
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 many creatures which live coexisting together
such
 as plants, insects and
surrounding
Correct article usage
the surrounding
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environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
 around
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
, as we reduce the population of livestock, we have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to breed the
animals
 that we take advantage of
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they will not be endangered.
Hence
, the ecosystem will
keep
Verb problem
remain
show examples
 balanced
although
 we take advantage of the
animals
 for our own sake. In conclusion, some people believe they have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to exploit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
 in any
way
 for the sake of
nessecity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 fulfillment,
while
 others
against
Add a missing verb
are against
show examples
 it because overhunting
animals
 will only cause unbalance
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
nature.
Submitted by pedrothedawn on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with clear and distinct paragraphs, each containing a single main idea. Your overall structure could benefit from more distinct separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear central topic which is developed logically. Use conjunctions and cohesive devices effectively to create seamless connections between ideas for the reader's ease of understanding.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, you should paraphrase the question and provide a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should also summarise the main points and reiterate your position without introducing new arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each of your main points is supported by relevant and specific examples or reasons. These examples should be directly related to the argument you are making and should be elaborated on sufficiently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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