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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What is the cause ?How might the problems be reduced?

#rise #country #benefit #cities #areas
There is a rising concern related to the imbalance of living standards between rural
areas
 and urban ones.
This
 problem stems from the
countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
show examples
 economic development mainly
concentrates
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 on
cities
, yet it can be tackled by decentralization which spreads opportunities and investment in rural
areas
. One of the principal causes of the inequality between rural
areas
 and
cities
 is most central industries and top-tier institutions are located in urban
areas
. Because of
this
, individuals have a tendency to migrate to
cities
 in order to gain higher education, opportunities to thrive and have better access to goods and services there.
Consequently
, the economy in urban
areas
 is pushed up rapidly
while
 it is behindhand in rural ones.
This
 concentration contributes to the rise of living standards in
cities
. Take China as a prime example where the household income in Beijing was over 30 times higher than the other provinces. To counter the effect, authorities are better off
offer
Replace the word
offering
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 more opportunities and investments in the countryside.
This
 decentralization includes establishing more central industries for residents to gain the desired jobs, promote small businesses and invest in rural infrastructure.
Additionally
, utilizing more technology devices in the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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also
 fastens
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 access to networks or even to
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
 between
cities
 and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
.
For instance
, Indonesia has utilized
this
 method
budgeting
Change preposition
of budgeting
show examples
,
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 assistance to infrastructure and social services.
Therefore
, the standard of living between rural
areas
 and
cities
 is not equilibrium owing to too much concentration on
cities
.
Nevertheless
, it can be solved by offering more chances and support to the countryside
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task achievement
Ensure clarity and purposefulness. Your introduction set the stage, but it should clearly define the scope of the discussion. Define key terms and make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to the overall purpose of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a more logical manner. Each body paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals what the paragraph is about. Cohesion, which pertains to the flow of ideas and argumentation throughout the essay, could be improved by using more varied and appropriate connective words.
task achievement
Substantiate your main points with strong and specific examples. Your essay does include an example however, you may strengthen your argument by providing more than one. Facts, figures, or case studies from credible sources could enhance the persuasiveness of your examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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