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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？ How to encourage young people to study？

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In
this
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 day and age,
school
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 learning has pros and cons in many pupil's eyes. Student’s views towards knowledge absorption may vary, and some of them are pessimistic about it for a variety of reasons.
For instance
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, the tedious disciplines and the compelling assignments. First and foremost, one possible reason might be that a college is a place with well-organized regulations on student’s behaviours and study progress. In
this
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 case, youngsters who are not well disciplined may struggle to stay in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school
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 and turn out to develop a bad impression of
school
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 learning after graduation.
Besides
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, another possible reason may
lies
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lie
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on
Change preposition
in
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 a variety of tasks and assignments of the subjects enrolled, including essays, presentations, and group projects. Tough tasks place big pressure on the
students
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, which makes it difficult to enjoy the wonderful campus life.
Then
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, bad emotions appear.
Thus
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, problem-solving is the priority. On the one hand, the best solution for the
students
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 who are unable to follow rules is that the
school
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 can set several awards to encourage children to behave.
For example
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, the well-behaved scholarship for the top three
students
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 who have done a good job on campus.
On the other hand
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, when it comes to the overwhelming tasks, elective courses related to recreational courses like singing, dancing, and yoga are helpful for pupils to relax, and find the balance between study and pleasure. All in all, what youngsters need is not strict training,
instead
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, what they are seeking is the ideal campus life, the combination of knowledge and pleasure. In conclusion, it is crucial to focus on the feedback from graduates , and better improve effective training by solving existing issues like strict regulations and big pressure on
students
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.

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coherence cohesion
Several aspects of coherence and cohesion require attention. Logical progression of ideas can be improved to ensure the essay flows naturally. Make sure to use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas across paragraphs and sentences. Work on the clarity of topic sentences and the consistency of supporting sentences that relate directly back to the key topic of the paragraphs and the overall essay question.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address all parts of the task. The causes of negative attitudes towards learning among young people need to be explored more thoroughly, with a variety of clear, relevant examples. Additionally, your solutions should be directly linked to the causes mentioned. Expand your ideas and ensure each proposed solution tackles a specific cause presented in the first part of the essay. This will strengthen overall task achievement.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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