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Band 4.5

Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the problem?

#resource #regions #world #demand #measures #governments #individuals
Water
resources
Change the noun form
resource
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 protection has become one of the most pressing environmental issues in an increasingly globalised world, especially freshwater.
This
 essay will consider the causes of and suggest possible solutions to it. Perhaps the biggest reason is the number of factories and industries increased dramatically which will directly cause environmental pollution,
such
 as rubbish and wastewater discharged into the ocean. It is conceivable that the consequences will be serious.
For example
, if a large number of marine life die, people's health will be worse quickly. What is more, with more vehicles coming out,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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more carbon emissions will produced, which means that it will significantly affect air quality and
thus
water
 quality. There will be less and less drinking
water
 for people. Turning to possible solutions, probably the most effective measure is for the government to impose some policies to ban or hider these ways, increasing
Replace the word
environmental
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 protection activities regularly which all the companies will
engaged
Add a missing verb
be engaged
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 in, holding some related
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
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lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
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 to let people know as much as possible about the disadvantages of harming the
environment
. It is
also
 necessary to regulate individuals' behaviour, not throw rubbish everywhere,
raising
Wrong verb form
and raise
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 awareness of protecting the
environment
, as they know the most fundamental harmful to their physical health from the poor
water
environment
, they will pay more attention to it.
To sum up
, the impact that caused
water
 pollution by factories, industries and vehicles is profound and requires the government's and our immediate attention and actions.There are ample solutions to
this
 environmental concern.
Submitted by xueyinggao2023 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to explicitly address all parts of the prompt fully for an improved score in Task Achievement. In this essay, more elaboration on the specific causes of increased demand for freshwater and a range of detailed, relevant examples to support your points would strengthen your answer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear progression of ideas from beginning to end. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences effectively to guide the reader throughout your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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