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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
The diagram illustrates the process of
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
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 cycle
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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is
Verb problem
involves
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 going
on
Change preposition
apply
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movement of
water
Use synonyms
 on, above and below the surface of the earth. First of all,
Use synonyms
ocean
Correct article usage
the ocean
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 evaporates its
water
Use synonyms
 when the weather is sunny.
Use synonyms
Ocean
Correct article usage
The ocean
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 has about 80% of
Use synonyms
water
Correct article usage
the water
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vapour
Use synonyms
 in
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
. The
vapour
Use synonyms
 goes up
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
then
Linking Words
 condensing
water
Use synonyms
vapour
Use synonyms
 makes
cloud
Fix the agreement mistake
clouds
show examples
 in
air
Correct article usage
the air
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 . After that , condensing
water
Use synonyms
vapour
Use synonyms
 formulates cloud forms when it goes far, precipitation of the cloud rains on every surface of the earth. From
this
Linking Words
 surface runoff
water
Use synonyms
 goes down by
Correct article usage
the ground
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ground
Use the right word
groundwater
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water
Use synonyms
 way to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the ocean
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ocean
Punctuation problem
ocean,
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 from which precipitation is rained by evaporation.
Also
Linking Words
, lake
!
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
s
Correct your spelling
's
water
Use synonyms
 added to the way of that . When
bottom
Correct article usage
the bottom
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 of the
ground
Use the right word
groundwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 has
impervious
Correct article usage
an impervious
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 layer which does not
let
Verb problem
allow
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 to
go
Verb problem
flow
show examples
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
mantle
Correct article usage
the mantle
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 and other cores of
Correct article usage
the earth
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earth
Fix capitalization
Earth
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.Following that, the
water
Use synonyms
 is
came
Verb problem
supplied
show examples
 by
ground
Use the right word
groundwater
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water
Use synonyms
 intruded salt
Use synonyms
water
Use the right word
saltwater
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 the process goes to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the ocean
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ocean
Punctuation problem
ocean,
show examples
 where it began The
water
Use synonyms
 is cycled because it is
Correct article usage
a nature
show examples
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 law
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 process is not changing or stopping

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, ocean, vapour with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "goes up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • manufacture
  • bricks
  • building industry
  • process
  • dig
  • prepare
  • clay
  • mold
  • shape
  • dry
  • fire
  • kiln
  • cool
  • package
  • fired
  • overview
  • importance
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