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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

1)The two pie charts below show total world energy consuption and electiricity generation for last year

1)The two pie charts below show total world energy consuption and electiricity generation for last year
#two #show #world #energy #consuption #electiricity #generation #year
The following two diagrams give a distribution
about
Change preposition
of
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 world
energy
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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 and
production
Correct article usage
the production
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 of electrical
energy
 in
previous
Add an article
the previous
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 year
at
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apply
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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. It is immediately noticeable, that the most preferable methods of
energy
 consumption were more traditional products
such
 as coal and oil, and
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for almost 24 and 34
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 respectively.
Secondly
, just over the fifth part of usage was provided with gas which was almost equal to total electricity generation. Based on the pie chart, it is obvious that the
energy
 received by nuclear was 6.5
percent
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per cent
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while
 biomass was 10.6
percent
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per cent
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. Hydro stations
reached
Verb problem
are
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 relatively less
energy
demanding
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demand
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.
According to
 the second pie chart, electric power manufacture
suppliying
Correct your spelling
supplying
 by coal was approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
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forth
Correct your spelling
fourth
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 out of ten .The electricity received from hydro and atomic stations was around 16
percent
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per cent
show examples
while
 the
energy
 power generated by gas
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for almost 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.Other types of sources produced and consumed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 minimal amount of these indicators.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 combustible renewables and waste were the most popular in
energy
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
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while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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coal
also
 was
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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preferable in electricity generation.
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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