IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

2)The two pie charts below show total world energy consuption and electiricity generation for last year

2)The two pie charts below show total world energy consuption and electiricity generation for last year
#two #show #world #energy #consuption #electiricity #generation #year
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The following two diagrams give a distribution of world
energy
Use synonyms
 input and the production of electrical
energy
Use synonyms
 in the previous year
at
Change preposition
apply
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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. It is immediately noticeable, that the most preferable methods of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption were more traditional products
such
Linking Words
 as coal and oil, and accounted for almost 24 and 34
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 respectively.
Secondly
Linking Words
, just over the fifth part of usage was provided with gas which was almost equal to total electricity generation. Based on the pie chart, it is obvious that the
energy
Use synonyms
 received by nuclear was 6.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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while
Linking Words
 biomass was 10.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. Hydro stations are relatively less
Use synonyms
energy demanding
Add a hyphen
energy-demanding
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the second pie chart, electric power manufacture
supplying
Wrong verb form
supplied
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 by coal was approximately a fourth out of ten .The electricity received from hydro and atomic stations was around 16
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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while
Linking Words
 the
energy
Use synonyms
 power generated by gas accounted for almost 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, other types of sources produced and consumed a minimal amount of these indicators.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 combustible renewables and waste were the most popular in
energy
Use synonyms
 usage
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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coal
also
Linking Words
 was
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preferable in electricity generation.
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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