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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

2)The two pie charts below show total world energy consuption and electiricity generation for last year

2)The two pie charts below show total world energy consuption and electiricity generation for last year
#two #show #world #energy #consuption #electiricity #generation #year
The following two diagrams give a distribution of world
energy
 input and the production of electrical
energy
 in the previous year
at
Change preposition
apply
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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. It is immediately noticeable, that the most preferable methods of
energy
 consumption were more traditional products
such
 as coal and oil, and accounted for almost 24 and 34
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 respectively.
Secondly
, just over the fifth part of usage was provided with gas which was almost equal to total electricity generation. Based on the pie chart, it is obvious that the
energy
 received by nuclear was 6.5
percent
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per cent
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while
 biomass was 10.6
percent
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per cent
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. Hydro stations are relatively less
energy demanding
Add a hyphen
energy-demanding
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.
According to
 the second pie chart, electric power manufacture
supplying
Wrong verb form
supplied
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 by coal was approximately a fourth out of ten .The electricity received from hydro and atomic stations was around 16
percent
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per cent
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while
 the
energy
 power generated by gas accounted for almost 20
percent
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per cent
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.
In addition
, other types of sources produced and consumed a minimal amount of these indicators.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 combustible renewables and waste were the most popular in
energy
 usage
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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coal
also
 was
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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preferable in electricity generation.
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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