some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers. should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. discuss both these views ang give your own opinion.

In every
country
, workforce and professionals make a
country
boost its economy. Some
people
believe that
experts
who
studied
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
in a
country
have to stay there to work. Others,
however
, are of the opinion that specialists should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to choose the place they want to work in.
This
essay will discuss both views and provide my personal opinion. On the one hand, it is argued that
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
have to stay in their own
country
to serve their
people
. To start with,
this
is supported by the fact that they can repay their nation.
In other words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
spent large sums of money to train them, so it is expected of them to stay in their home
country
to show their gratitude.
For example
, many Japanese
experts
after they graduate,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not leave their
country
and they are well-known for patriotism.
In addition
, if skilled professionals do not move to other countries, they compensate for the shortage of
experts
in various fields.
Therefore
, it is somehow plausible
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why professionals
lead
Verb problem
tend
show examples
to stay in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
country
of their own.
On the other hand
, the need to consider the freedom of choice is
also
felt.
To begin
with, in
this
day and
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
the basic right for every human being is to have liberty on where to continue working
in particular
.
For instance
, some skilled
people
in Iran have emigrated to other countries because there exist better career prospects (that are) waiting for them in the target
country
.
Moreover
, they can learn a lot of tasks from
experts
who live abroad and if they come back to their
country
, they can enhance the knowledge of the
people
in a number of areas and help boost the economy.
As a result
, it can be certainly said that moving abroad to work is not only beneficial
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
necessary more often than not. ' All in all,
although
it is sometimes logical to say that
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
show examples
workforce needs to stay in their own
country
to serve there, I do believe that
due to
the factors mentioned above,
such
as raising knowledge, and better job opportunities, it is the best option to move to another
country
to achieve these goals.
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your essay includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be stronger with a definitive thesis statement and clearer summation of main points.
logical structure
Work on developing a clearer organization of ideas. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs. Some of your ideas are presented without clear connections, making the argument harder to follow.
supported main points
Support your main points with a combination of general statements and specific, relevant examples. While some examples are given, they need to be more detailed and directly supportive of the argument being made.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task. The essay touches on both views and offers a personal opinion, but could delve deeper into explaining why each view is held and the implications of each perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present ideas clearly and develop them comprehensively. Some points are underdeveloped. Take time to explore each main point with sufficient detail and explanation.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant and specific examples to illustrate and support your arguments. The examples used are somewhat general and lack depth. Providing more specific and detailed examples would strengthen your arguments significantly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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