The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

#process #sugar #cane

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The diagram gives detailed information about the process by which

sugar

Use synonyms

is produced for consumers in the factory by staff.

Overall

Linking Words

it is clear that

Linking Words

there are several stages in the production of

sugar

Use synonyms

, starting with growing canes of carbohydrates and ending with drying and cooling.

Moreover

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, it is

also

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worth mentioning that advanced technologies

such

Linking Words

as evaporators and centrifuges are utilized in the process. Looking at the details,the process begins with the carbohydrate cane being grown for around 12 or 18 months by small farmers in fields.

Besides

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that,

the

Change preposition

in the

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second stage,after growing the

sugar

Use synonyms

cane, they are harvested from the plantation by big combines or local workers.As soon as the

sugar

Use synonyms

cane is crushed and produced by

machine

Correct article usage

the machine

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the juice

Remove the comma

apply

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is purified juice by a limestone filter in the factory. In detail,just before separating carbohydrate crystals from syrup by centrifuge, the juice is heated and becomes syrup by the evaporator.

Furthermore

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, You must be alert in both two stages.

Finally

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, the recent stage is that having been

sugar

Use synonyms

dried in the sun and cooled in the fridge,

sugar

Use synonyms

will be delivered by distributors to stores.

Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on Sat Nov 25 2023

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

183 words

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The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

In many cities there is a lack of space to develop and as a result, in order to modernise, old buildings are demolished and replaced with new buildings. What are the disadvantages of knocking down old buildings? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many large cities, people waste hours of their time every day because of traffic congestion on the road. What are the causes of this, what solution can you suggest

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Environmental problems are becoming a global issue and are encounter-challenging the quality of life.