The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The diagram gives detailed information about the process by which
sugar
is produced for consumers in the factory by staff.
Overall
,
it is clear that
there are several stages in the production of
sugar
, starting with growing canes of carbohydrates and ending with drying and cooling.
Moreover
, it is
also
worth mentioning that advanced technologies
such
as evaporators and centrifuges are utilized in the process. Looking at the details,the process begins with the carbohydrate cane being grown for around 12 or 18 months by small farmers in fields.
Besides
that,
the
Change preposition
in the
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second stage,after growing the
sugar
cane, they are harvested from the plantation by big combines or local workers.As soon as the
sugar
cane is crushed and produced by
machine
Correct article usage
the machine
show examples
the juice
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is purified juice by a limestone filter in the factory. In detail,just before separating carbohydrate crystals from syrup by centrifuge, the juice is heated and becomes syrup by the evaporator.
Furthermore
, You must be alert in both two stages.
Finally
, the recent stage is that having been
sugar
dried in the sun and cooled in the fridge,
sugar
will be delivered by distributors to stores.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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