IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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The diagram gives detailed information about the process by which
sugar
Use synonyms
 is produced for consumers in the factory by staff.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are several stages in the production of
sugar
Use synonyms
, starting with growing canes of carbohydrates and ending with drying and cooling.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 worth mentioning that advanced technologies
such
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 as evaporators and centrifuges are utilized in the process. Looking at the details,the process begins with the carbohydrate cane being grown for around 12 or 18 months by small farmers in fields.
Besides
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 that,
the
Change preposition
in the
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 second stage,after growing the
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane, they are harvested from the plantation by big combines or local workers.As soon as the
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is crushed and produced by
machine
Correct article usage
the machine
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 the juice
,
Remove the comma
apply
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is purified juice by a limestone filter in the factory. In detail,just before separating carbohydrate crystals from syrup by centrifuge, the juice is heated and becomes syrup by the evaporator.
Furthermore
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, You must be alert in both two stages.
Finally
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, the recent stage is that having been
sugar
Use synonyms
 dried in the sun and cooled in the fridge,
sugar
Use synonyms
 will be delivered by distributors to stores.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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