Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

#students #work #whilst #college #university #results #time #education #pressure

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Besides

studying in college or

university

, many student

work

, and

as a consequence

, they do not have enough time

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

spend on their lessons owing to the feeling of pressure.

This

essay agrees that the cause of

this

is a modern development demand,

while

the solution can be an alleviation of requirements towards the young who have graduated from

university

. Development is a crucial part of our society, not only evaluation of procedures but

also

people's

Change preposition

in people's

show examples

progress, as there is a big need for that. If 10 or 15 years ago having zero experience after graduating was seen as something neutral and understandable, nowadays it is quite a negative trend. It gets harder to get a highly-paid job without some practical knowledge, skills and practice in the area of study.

As a result

students

have to

work

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and go on different internships

as well as

volunteerings in order to not struggle in the future. Recent research by Harvard

University

shows that 78.9% of the heads of human resources departments in various local companies reject hiring individuals who are not experienced enough or at all, despite

being

Verb problem

having

show examples

recently graduated.

However

this

problem may be tackled by mitigating the requirements

while

hiring, as it is very hard to study and

work

at the same time. Multitasking is an important skill for all of us,

nevertheless

, if

work

affects the quality of level of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education that

students

cannot get properly owing to the lack of time, it should not be considered as something obligatory.

Furthermore

, it will help

students

to concentrate on their studies and have better knowledge not only in the area of their study but

also

enhance their worldview.

According to

the interview that was conducted in 5 colleges located in Birmingham, 88.2% of

students

support

this

idea and confirm that they would prefer spending their education years studying rather than working in order to be more successful in their studies.

To conclude

while

it is suggested that working during college or

university

makes it difficult for

students

to concentrate on their education,

this

essay thinks that the reason stands behind some evolutional standards and the solution can be in smoothing them.

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Sat Sep 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and serve their purposes well in framing your arguments and summarizing your points.

task achievement

You have used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, adding strength to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

364 words

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Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their education as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solution could you suggest?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people claim that museums and art galleries are not needed today because everyone can see historical objects or art works by computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days consumers are faced with an increasing amount of advertising from various companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertising? What measures should be taken to protect them?

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

The growth of consumerism has led to a throw-away culture where people are more concerned with acquiring material possessions than protecting the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

People think that the government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Give your opinion.