IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In always, accommodation is the basic
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for human beings. Here, In some nations, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that a
house
Use synonyms
 is crucial for humans compared to renting a
home
Use synonyms
. The essay describes what is the
reason
Use synonyms
 behind
this
Linking Words
 and explains the positive situation and development of owning a
house
Use synonyms
. To commence with, a fixed
house
Use synonyms
 gives us an affluent number of facilities to live in with well-being and safety.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
, many individuals always focus on building a
house
Use synonyms
 with their own
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 or loans even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 takes time.
For example
Linking Words
, In
Bangladesh
Add a comma
Bangladesh,
show examples
 most of the senior
people
Use synonyms
 who leave
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and receive
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
pension
Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
show examples
, want to make a simple or gorgeous
house
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, he can not rethink or pay
money
Use synonyms
 for renting housing.
In addition
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that a
house
Use synonyms
 is a good investment in a sustainable thing for their family.
In
Change preposition
According
show examples
according to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
, They prioritise paying wealth or
money
Use synonyms
 for housing in
a restricted areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
restricted areas
a restricted area
show examples
 where they find a happy life. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they think that a fixed
home
Use synonyms
 is permanent, they can not change anywhere
otherwise
Linking Words
 they need to pay a large portion of
money
Use synonyms
 every month.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, investing in finance for housingis
apermanent
Correct your spelling
a permanent
permanent
 solution to living in one place rather than a renting
home
Use synonyms
. In
genuine
Correct word choice
general
show examples
, It is a positive development because they can not think again about moving
house
Use synonyms
 or
payment
Replace the word
paying
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 every month.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
, they can
exeggerate
Correct your spelling
exaggerate
 how they decorate their
home
Use synonyms
 in an organised way with a lot of facilities in a town area. To give an example,
to build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
 a
house
Use synonyms
 is a great idea for expressing a fixed identity
as well as
Linking Words
 a safeguard for the next generations. After the effect, most
people
Use synonyms
 want to take a risk even though they need a huge amount of wealth.
Besides
Linking Words
, renting a
house
Use synonyms
 is better for low cost and do not need to invest a significant amount of fund at one time. The way of an illustration, some individuals who need to relocate for their job perspective, should be renting a
house
Use synonyms
 as a good opportunity. But on a broad scale, he has to give a large amount of funds
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, he faces several types of detrimental problems to continue his family lifestyle.
To conclude
Linking Words
, though there some demerits to
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a
house
Use synonyms
 with the support of huge finance, it is a great investment to live better without tension in the long run. Indeed, owning a
house
Use synonyms
 is a dream for most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance the task achievement score, ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay should elaborate on clear reasons for the importance of home ownership, the positive and negative aspects, and include specific, detailed examples to support your points. The current response lacks depth and specific examples, which are necessary for a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, the essay requires a clear logical structure. Transitions between ideas should be smooth and logical. Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs. Avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. The essay also requires an evident introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points of the discussion more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
Look at other essays: