IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The best way to improve health is to exercise daily. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#health #exercise
It is necessary to enhance our health to enjoy a happy life on earth. Health is our real wealth, and the ideal method to keep our body fit is to exercise daily. I agree with
this
 statement that people need to do physical activity every day with proper nutritional food to maintain good health. There are numerous reasons why we need to work out daily.
Firstly
, the prominent factor is that a person feels healthier than others who are not doing any work.
In addition
, physical activity keeps our fitness away from diseases.
For instance
, an athlete or player has fewer chances of getting heart disease, asthma, or cancer as compared to the common man.
Secondly
, exercise keeps our mind calm which improves our thinking power
as well as
 our concentration. In a recent survey, we got the information that 70% of people who always do some kind of workout have more memory, good mental strength and problem-solving skills than others. Those individuals achieve good success in every field of their life by making valuable decisions as they think freely because of good physical
as well as
 mental condition.
Moreover
,
besides
 daily physical movement, we need to eat good proper meals in order to stay in good physical condition. As I know, in most developed countries people are suffering from obesity because they are too lazy and prefer to eat fast cuisine.
Therefore
, in order to look young and fit we need to do some physical work
along with
 a proper nutritional diet.
For example
, I read in the newspaper that 70% of youngsters are overweight in America because of junk foodstuff like pizza, and pasta as they ignore fruits, almonds, and vegetables.
To conclude
, I believe engaging in games or any other physical activity is necessary for everyone with proper nutrition to keep them in good shape. In
such
 a way, we live a happy life with minimal diseases.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point presented in the body paragraphs is fully developed and well-supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures to enhance the logical flow of ideas and to maintain the reader's interest throughout the essay.
task achievement
Further develop relevant examples to substantiate the claims made in the essay. Avoid overgeneralization by providing specific instances or data.
task achievement
Strive to directly address the prompt throughout the essay to make certain that all points made are relevant to the discussion of whether daily exercise is the best way to improve health.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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