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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

These days, people are forced to leave their family and friends in order to obtain a good job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

These days,
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to leave their family and friends in order to obtain a good job. I firmly believe that the disadvantages of
this
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 statement outweigh the advantages for many reasons,
such
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 as dealing with a great responsibility. In
this
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 essay, I will present the two perspectives and state my opinion in the conclusion.
To begin
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 with,
although
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 migrating to another country to get better job opportunities boasts substantial benefits, its drawbacks warrant greater consideration.
Firstly
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, when migrating, you will be exposed to several issues,
for example
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, feeling lonely and homesickness.
Secondly
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, there will be a great responsibility to handle that a few
people
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 could withstand. Not to forget that a lot of migrants face a culture shock
due to
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 the different societies and traditions.
Also
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, when employees move to a foreign country, they will experience difficulty
while
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 learning the country’s language;
as a result
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, it will be difficult for them to interact with other
people
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.
On the other hand
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, there are compelling reasons behind migration.
Although
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 they will encounter hardships, they will gain access to better jobs and higher salaries.
This
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 step will build many valuable skills in the migrants’ personalities
such
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 as independence,
better
Correct word choice
and better
show examples
 social skills, and they will gain both confidence and learn how to manage their time properly. Taking everything into account, migration has become a widespread issue affecting many
people
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, despite the diversity of its underlying causes. Some
people
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 seek higher salaries and better living conditions,
while
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 others want reputable careers and higher social status.
Finally
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, I strongly believe that employment is a fundamental necessity that must be available in all countries to prevent
people
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 from being forced to leave their home and their loved ones.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing the benefits and drawbacks of migration.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly differentiate between the advantages and disadvantages in your paragraph structure to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the transition between ideas to make the flow smoother, perhaps by using linking phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the essay structure, which is very effective.
Task Achievement
You provide a balanced view of both sides of the argument, reflecting comprehensive consideration of the topic.
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