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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the rate of males and females in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
 in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Units are measured in thousands.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar graph represents that the number of men in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time decreased from 1970/71 to 1990/91,
while
Linking Words
 for full-time, it went up.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the average of women in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time and full-time rose in the same period given. With regards to the number of men in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time, it started from one million in 1970/71, and
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 went down to around 900,000 in 1990/91,
in contrast
Linking Words
, the rate of men in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
 in a full-time began from approximately 100,000 in 1970/71, after which increased to reach 200,000 in the final year. Turning to the average of women in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time, it
initiated
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 from almost 800,000 in 1970/71 and surged to reach less than 1,200,000 in 1990/90,
similarly
Linking Words
, the number of women in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
Britain
Use synonyms
 in a full-time began from 100,000 in 1970/71, and than went up to 200,000 in the end of the period given.
Submitted by asomm5563 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, britain with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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