In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why this might be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
People
in some countries believe that it is essential to be an owner of a property rather than a renter. This
essay will discuss the rationale behind this
belief and argue that the statement is disadvantageous for some groups of people
.
In many countries around the world, owning a home is seen as a sign of economic stability. Many people
believe that having property means that a person has earned sufficient money to live comfortably. Such
a situation is important , especially for people
who live in Asian countries, such
as China, Indonesia, Malaysia, and the Philippines. To cite an example, in Indonesia, one of the prerequisites for parents to allow their daughters to get married is their future husbands must be financially stable. Having a house
or an apartment is one of the obvious indicators. As a consequence
, Indonesians, especially men, work really hard in order to achieve this
goal.
While
it is true that the ability to buy a house
indicates a comfortable life, the current economic situation in the world is not in favour of this
belief. The price of a property is generally extremely high and many people
cannot afford to purchase a house
. For instance
, in a research published by a think-tank in Indonesia, the majority of office workers in Jakarta would not be able to buy a landed house
in the Jakarta area because its price has reached billions of rupiah. People
who live in Jakarta have preferred to rent houses or apartments due to
this
circumstance. Consequently
, Jakartans are perceived as not living an ideal life.
In summary, the belief that it is crucial to own a home is rooted in an economic perspective. However
, such
a notion has created a negative impact for many because they are not able to live a life that fulfils society's standard
.Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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coherence cohesion
You should ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, linking them clearly to the main topic. Transitions could be smoother to enhance the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, your conclusion could restate your main points more clearly, effectively summarizing the arguments made throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that main points are developed further. While you have presented some support for your arguments, more detail and explanation could strengthen your position.
task achievement
Your response to the task is adequate as you have addressed both parts of the question. Nonetheless, to increase your score, make sure you equally develop both parts: the reason for the importance placed on home ownership and your opinion as to whether it is positive or negative.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could be expressed more comprehensively. Aim to delve deeper into the topic by providing more in-depth analysis and explanation of the points you are making.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your ideas, which is commendable. Ensure these examples are fully integrated into your argument, demonstrating precisely how they illustrate your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?