IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development
Recent years have witnessed significant changes in living
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. In the past, some elderly
people
 liked to live with their adult children,
while
nowaways
Correct your spelling
nowadays
now aways
 the majority of older
people
 prefer to live in the live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement communities with other
people
.
Overall
, I tend to believe
thay
Correct your spelling
that
ther
Correct your spelling
there
 are more benefits outweigh drawbacks.
Then
this
 essay, I will give my explanations. One obvious issue with living with their adult children is that it might affect relationships between family members.
For example
, elderly
people
 usually have a stable work and rest time, because they have a stable pension, not need
worry
Fix the infinitive
to worry
show examples
quality
Change preposition
about quality
show examples
 of life,
instead
, they spend more time on personal hobbies and healthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and seek
show examples
seek
Wrong verb form
seeking
show examples
 the best way to boost their physical and mental health. In terms of adult children, face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fierce competition in career development, they have many
workload
Change to a plural noun
workloads
show examples
, so they have to work a long time and stay up late to finish the task, so when they come back home or when they get up another day, it is uncertain. Living together will
Submitted by xueyinggao2023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure, including distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. This will aid in presenting your ideas coherently.
introduction/conclusion
Develop the introduction and conclusion more thoroughly. Both components should clearly set the stage and sum up your argument, respectively, without introducing new points in the conclusion.
content
Support each main point with relevant examples or explanations to strengthen your argument. These can be drawn from your own experiences, observations, or other credible sources.
task response
Address the question directly and make sure that your response covers all parts of the task prompt. Aim for a balanced discussion if the question asks for an evaluation of positive or negative developments.
paragraphing
In your body paragraphs, use a clear topic sentence to indicate the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that wraps up the point being discussed.
language
Regarding grammar and vocabulary, use a variety of complex structures and vocabulary to demonstrate linguistic ability, but ensure accuracy to maintain the clarity of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: