Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some

people

believe that in order to be happy, each individual must have a

job

that they are interested in.

However

, some individuals think that other factors are more important. In my opinion, I partly agree with the former idea, I am convinced that other elements

also

have a great impact on

people

happiness

One

Correct your spelling

show examples

the one hand, being able to do the

job

you love

is help

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

ecinomic

Correct your spelling

economic

pressures. When

people

who work in a favourite

job

have much more motivation and

also

deal with less stress than

orthers

Correct your spelling

others

, it means that

they

Add a verb

they are

they were

show examples

able to stay

work

Change preposition

at work

show examples

longer. Thanks to

this

people

have more range of

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

, so as to get rid of economic problems.

On the other hand

, having a

job

that

people

really enjoy is not

only

Add an article

the only

show examples

way to help

people

fell

Correct your spelling

feel

show examples

happy, family members are vital factors for

happiness

For example

take

Wrong verb form

taking

show examples

care of parents

get

Correct subject-verb agreement

gets

show examples

rid of sickness thanks to their care , they will create positive emotions and

fell

Correct your spelling

feel

show examples

happy when see parents have good health. Other individuals

fell

Correct your spelling

feel

show examples

happiness

when

help

Change the verb form

helping

show examples

many

people

in difficulty. In conclusion, it is true that doing

Add an article

the

show examples

favourite

job

is a way

make

Fix the infinitive

to make

show examples

people

fell

Correct your spelling

feel

show examples

happiness

Replace the word

happy

show examples

, but there are many factors

help

Correct pronoun usage

that help

show examples

others

fell

Correct your spelling

feel

show examples

happy. Each person has their own way

to create

Change preposition

of creating

show examples

happiness

, so there should make everyone to be happy

Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on Sun Nov 26 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion were present but could be more distinct and compelling.

logical structure

Structure your essay in a logical manner. Group similar ideas together and use paragraphing to separate different ideas. There were attempts at structure, but the progression of ideas could be enhanced.

supported main points

Support your main points with clear, relevant examples. Examples provided were somewhat relevant, but adding more specific and concrete examples would improve your essay.

complete response

Fully address all parts of the task. You have provided partial coverage of the task with a basic response to the prompt; however, deeper analysis and more thorough development of ideas are required to lift the score.

clear comprehensive ideas

Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. There were issues with clarity and comprehensiveness, likely due to language errors which hindered understanding; focus on refining these aspects.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your points. The lack of specificity in your examples made your essay less convincing; aim to provide detailed and specific evidence for your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

225 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Nowadays, people want things instantly (goods, service, news). Why is this? Is this development positive or negative?
One of the most notable issues nowadays is that the desire for instant gratification has become increasingly prevalent in our modern society. This essay will examine the reason behind this trend as well as evaluate whether it presents a positive or negative development.
5.5
band
Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.
Obesity has become a major issue in all aged people due to irregular exercise and eating habits especially in 3 to 16 years old children. Various reasons are responsible for this burning issue which will be explained in the following paragraphs with an appropriate solution and explanations.
5
band
some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this era of globalisation, some individuals believe that authorities should make efforts to cope with environmental pollution and housing issues in order to avoid dangerous diseases or illnesses. From my personal point of view, I agreed with the statement aforementioned above because pollution and overpopulation increase the chance of infection. This essay will further elaborate my points and thus lead to a logical conclusion.
5.5
band
Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world, many countries observe improvement in living standards, and many people are travelling abroad for relaxation and pleasure. Some people debate that it has negatively impacted the countries in which people travel. However, I disagree with them because tourism has brought along more positives than negatives for the travelled country.
5
band
Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T.V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T.V shows. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often considered that a few individuals reckon that senior citizens always do workout and sports because of the major games event that shows on television such as olympic Games and Football World Cup. Whereas, other population think that there are manyfold techniques to motivate them to practice exercises. In my, an inclined the aged masses have an ample of ways to do outdoor works and sports. Thus, this essay will elaborate on both notions which further leads to a logical conclusion.

Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays, people want things instantly (goods, service, news). Why is this? Is this development positive or negative?

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.

some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?