Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important. Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?
Some favourite
people
believe that in order to be happy, each individual must have a job
that they are interested in. However
, some individuals think that other factors are more important. In my opinion, I partly agree with the former idea, I am convinced that other elements also
have a great impact on people
's happiness
.
One
the one hand, being able to do the Correct your spelling
On
job
you love is help
Wrong verb form
helps
ecinomic
pressures. When Correct your spelling
economic
people
who work in a favourite job
have much more motivation and also
deal with less stress than orthers
, it means that Correct your spelling
others
they
able to stay Add a verb
they are
they were
work
longer. Thanks to Change preposition
at work
this
, people
have more range of salary
, so as to get rid of economic problems.
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
On the other hand
, having a job
that people
really enjoy is not only
way to help Add an article
the only
people
fell
happy, family members are vital factors for Correct your spelling
feel
happiness
. For example
, take
care of parents Wrong verb form
taking
get
rid of sickness thanks to their care , they will create positive emotions and Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
fell
happy when see parents have good health. Other individuals Correct your spelling
feel
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
happiness
when help
many Change the verb form
helping
people
in difficulty.
In conclusion, it is true that doingAdd an article
the
a
job
is a way make
Fix the infinitive
to make
people
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
happiness
, but there are many factors Replace the word
happy
help
others Correct pronoun usage
that help
fell
happy. Each person has their own way Correct your spelling
feel
to create
Change preposition
of creating
happiness
, so there should make everyone to be happySubmitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion were present but could be more distinct and compelling.
logical structure
Structure your essay in a logical manner. Group similar ideas together and use paragraphing to separate different ideas. There were attempts at structure, but the progression of ideas could be enhanced.
supported main points
Support your main points with clear, relevant examples. Examples provided were somewhat relevant, but adding more specific and concrete examples would improve your essay.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task. You have provided partial coverage of the task with a basic response to the prompt; however, deeper analysis and more thorough development of ideas are required to lift the score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. There were issues with clarity and comprehensiveness, likely due to language errors which hindered understanding; focus on refining these aspects.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your points. The lack of specificity in your examples made your essay less convincing; aim to provide detailed and specific evidence for your claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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