IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the
last
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 twenty years, many virtual stores have grown in population, and many physical
shops
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 have declined.
However
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, real
shops
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 have their value of existing for several purposes,
such
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 as
clothes
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,
color
Change the spelling
colour
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, and material preference. In that case, I'm not convinced that all
shops
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 will be online only in the future. It is undeniable that there will be fewer physical
shops
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 in the future because online shopping is more convenient and cheaper. Owing to
this
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, it is less time-consuming than in-store shopping.
For example
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, Amazon is a well-known one-stop shop that provides 7/ 24 quick response and services
according to
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 your needs.
Additionally
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, the giant online shopping system does not have to pay overheads, so they can save much more. In my personal experience, I buy daily necessities from "Shopee," which provides me with online quick shopping
instead
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 of buying everyday items through brick-and-mortar
shops
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, which takes me time to transport those places.
Therefore
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, shopping online has become an easy way of consuming.
However
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, there are several reasons for those inclined to go to real
clothes
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shops
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 for specific purposes,
such
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 as trying on suitable
clothes
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 or the texture, quality, and material preferences.
For instance
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, a friend of mine tends to go to real
shops
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 to see if
clothes
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 fit her, and she finds it is an experience to immerse herself and enjoy the try-on process.
Besides
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, older people prefer real
shops
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 to online shopping, which will likely not adapt to buying online products.
Similarly
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, most seniors are accustomed to traditional ways more than new shopping styles. In conclusion, the number of physical
shops
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 will decrease, but not all will be replaced by online shopping one day. Shopping online or in physical
shops
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 has its advantages, leading to different groups choosing their way of purchasing. I believe that real
shops
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 will still exist for the next decades.

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure you address the task prompt more directly and extensively. Develop your main points further and provide more detailed insight into why online stores won't completely replace physical stores. Use stronger argumentation and a wider range of complex sentence structures to better express the nuances of your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, prioritize a more logical organization of ideas. Use cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Begin with clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea that is expanded upon, rather than introducing multiple ideas that may dilute the emphasis on your main argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
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